Washington, D.C., August 22, 2008 -- A powerful anti-abortion phalanx of the Republican congressional majority has launched an initiative toward redefining age based on the group's fundamental "life begins at conception" premise. The initiative, if passed, will have the effect of adding approximately nine months to the official age of every American.

Beverly Hills, CA September 11, 2009 -- Donna Perkowski is not your typical college freshman. This 21 year old coed already has a résumé stacked with work experience and accomplishments. While her sexy set of credentials are massive, she feels that a university degree from Playboy University will thrust her toward one of the top positions within her field.

Bronze bust of Pamela Anderson's bust in the admissions office welcomes Playboy University coeds

Washington, D.C., February 12, 2007 -- Speaker of the House Dennis ("Denny") Hastert announced yesterday that the U.S. House of Representatives has banned all computers, BlackBerries, modern cell phones and other electronic communications devices from its offices and related premises.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, co-sponsor of the IM Clean Act

Mexico City, August 27, 2039 -- "Good fences make good neighbors," intoned Mexican President Jorge Monclova as he dug the first ceremonial spadeful of sand to mark the commencement of the construction of Mexico's new, massive border tightening effort, dubbed the Peace Wall. The immense barrier, a sixty-foot high structure that will stretch the entire 1,920 mile length of Mexico's border with the United States, is designed to curb a rising groundswell of illegal immigration from the country's less affluent northern neighbor.