Los Angeles, April 2, 2006 -- Paris Hilton, the well-known heiress and underground internet sensation, announced her new Paris Hilton Video Network will be officially launched Friday. The network will initially be available to an estimated 120 million cable television and satellite subscribers in the United States and Canada.

Ms. Hilton said the network will offer "an eclectic mix of cultural analysis, philosophical and political debate and scientific discovery coupled with an engaging mélange of traditional entertainments including movies, game shows, and situation comedies."

Houston, Texas, June 28, 2009 -- Somali pirates hijacked and have taken control of the International Space Station, NASA sources announced yesterday. The pirates, who approached the vessel using small, inflatable spacerafts, are demanding a ransom "in excess of ten million dollars", according to Dr. Julius Vern, vice-administrator of NASA's International Space Station program, or they will destroy the vessel.

Baghdad, Iraq, March 12, 2012 -- Iraqi President George W. Bush is currently in perhaps the most pressing peril of his long political career following a conviction by the highest religious court of Iraq for blasphemy, a crime punishable by death under Iraq's strict Sharia law. Under the ruling, President Bush is scheduled to be executed via public stoning before the next full moon, expected March 30. A spokesman for Bush stated he plans to appeal the ruling.

Caracas, Venezuela, December 2, 2006 -- Karl Rove, the Machiavellian strategist credited with major GOP election successes in 2000, 2002 and 2004, was fired by the Bush Administration today, three weeks after the November 7, 2006 massacre that ended the Republican majority in virtually every state and local branch of American government.

Flor del Turd Karl Rove