Fairbanks, AK, March 22, 2012 -- A groundbreaking study into the root causes of obesity has shed new and remarkable light on why Americans are growing ever-heavier. At the heart of the discovery is a key factor that was overlooked for decades simply because, according to the research team, no one ever thought of looking there.

Washington, D.C., February 13, 2006 -- Recently-elected House Majority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) vowed tonight to "rise above the partisan taint" that has divided capitol hill in recent years.

House Majority Leader John Boehner vows he will rise above tainted government

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2008 -- In a move that surprised most pundits, Dick Cheney has offered to “stay on” as Vice President following the conclusion of President Bush's final term.

The offer, which the vice president announced during his regular 7:30 am interview on Fox Morning Talking Points, was extended to both Republican nominee John McCain and Democratic nominee Barack Obama.

Hollywood, May 12, 2094 -- Shockingly, another week has gone by and it is once again time for the exclusive Avant News celebrity roundup, bringing you the juiciest, most prurient private details of the glamorous lives of your favorite familiar individuals. Our paparazzi and pepperoncini have been out in force this week, more than ever living up to their motto, "We do the stalking because you have to go to work". Let's get started!