Cheney Offers to Stay on as Veep

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2008 -- In a move that surprised most pundits, Dick Cheney has offered to “stay on” as Vice President following the conclusion of President Bush's final term.

The offer, which the vice president announced during his regular 7:30 am interview on Fox Morning Talking Points, was extended to both Republican nominee John McCain and Democratic nominee Barack Obama.

“You know, if I look around and try to figure out which of the possible running mates for either party has the most stature, the meatiest experience, the heaviest gravitas, I keep coming back to me,” Mr. Cheney, who originally headed up the vice presidential selection committee for outgoing president George W. Bush, said. “I've had a lot of experience picking out vice presidents.”

“Hey, it's an idea. I'm just throwing it out there. As far as I know, the constitution doesn't say anything about term limits for a vice president. You don't need to decide right away, but promise me you'll think about it,” the elderly statesman said, his beady eyes searing directly into the lens of camera two. A jumpy Fox Morning Talking Points producer immediately switched to camera three.

“John McCain and I, after all, go way back. We agree on a lot of things. The Iraq war, for example. And.... Grraarrrh. We're both getting pretty old, which means we've lost about an equal number of brain cells,” Mr. Cheney said.

“And Barack Obama and I are distant cousins, so it'd be keeping it in the family if he happens to clinch the election. I think it's win-win across the board.”

Neither the Barack Obama campaign nor the John McCain campaign have as yet indicated whether they plan to accept the vice president's offer.

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor