Ottawa, Kansas, April 6, 2008 -- The presidential campaign of dark-horse candidate Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS) may be facing an new hurdle with the announcement that the virulently anti-abortion neo-conservative is pregnant. The Brownback pregnancy is, in the words of campaign press spokesman Diana Herodias, "really not part of the game plan and may create some serious challenges to our crusade for the White House".

Washington, D.C., February 15, 2007 -- In a surprise sequel to the string of legislative successes encapsulated in the 110th Congress's "100 hours" platform, House lawmakers today passed the groundbreaking No President Left Behind Act (NPLB) by a vote of 381-41.

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Washington, D.C., December 23, 2005 -- Lewis "Scooter" Libby was pardoned today in a surprise announcement by President George W. Bush. Libby, who had been indicted on five felony counts for perjury, false statements and obstruction of justice, and one misdemeanor charge involving an altercation with two lesbian cheerleaders, said "Yeah. Like I didn't see that one coming."

Los Angeles, June 12, 2009 -- Jennifer Aniston reportedly broke wind last Thursday shortly after completing an afternoon snack that may have included rice crackers and cottage cheese, leading to speculation that the highly visible television and film actress may break wind again at some point in the near or distant future. An unidentified companion who was observed dining with Jennifer Aniston at the time did not react visibly to the occurrence. Jennifer Aniston was unavailable for comment on this dramatic bombshell.