Flushing, NY, September 4, 2014 -- The worldwide premier for professional triples tennis at this year's US Open tournament received mixed reviews from veteran players and commentators, but the overall audience impression was positive. First Round Match 1 in Men's Triples went as predicted, with an easy 6-0, 6-1, 6-1 defeat by favored Andy Roddick, Juan Carlos Ferrero and Rafael Nadal over unseeded players Micael Ivanonavov, Eiliat Prokotoftin and Silininorev Tjuk.

Washington, D.C., October 19, 2005 -- A routine sweep of the White House Oval Office, performed every second Tuesday by the president's Secret Service staff to detect bugging devices and explosives, unexpectedly turned up an embarrassing remnant yesterday near the presidential wastebasket: a used litmus test.

A litmus test similar to the one discovered in the Oval Office.: The actual results of the Miers litmus test have not been disclosed.

April 19, 2078

Eastern

Coastal areas of the United States should expect several small hurricanes running from Maine as far south as New Jersey. Winds to be averaging 60-80 mph, with peaks in the low hundreds. Temperature in the mid 90s.

Central

A low-pressure system over Indiana and Illinois will likely result in some unseasonable blizzards. Residents of southeastern Iowa are recommended to remain indoors during the late afternoon, due to the risk of high-speed hailstorms.

Albuquerque, January 10, 2011 -- Scientists at the respected Gray Matter Thinkorium in Albuquerque, New Mexico announced today the first successful test of a dramatic new method for generating clean, renewable energy using excess power from the human brain.

The technique, dubbed Neural Oscillatory Telegenesis (NOT), employs, in the words of chief researcher Alonzo Pinq, "cognitive dissonance, the source of a nearly constant supply of powerful, unused human brainwave activity" to generate virtually limitless quantities of emissions-free electricity.