Indianapolis Colts' Undefeated NFL Season Questionable

Indianapolis, IN - December 22, 2006 -- After trouncing all the opponents on their schedule this year, the Indianapolis Colts are doing their best to get over the recent kidnapping of their Pro-Bowl quarterback Peyton Manning and are continuing their quest to complete the season at a perfect 16-0.

Following their victory over the San Diego Chargers 24-7 last Sunday and heading into their final game of the regular season against the Seattle Seahawks, the Colts are now realizing that they are possibly facing an unexpected challenge from a team that is not on their schedule, but in the back of their minds – the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Since Peyton Manning mysteriously disappeared early Monday morning from his suburban Indianapolis home, rumors and speculation have been running rampant as fingers have been pointed at nearly every NFL team. It seems apparent now, however, that all the pundits have been looking in the wrong direction and needed only to peer into the past to find the culprits.

Law enforcement authorities have begun narrowing in on the one group that has the most compelling motive for this crime, the 1972 Miami Dolphins. According to a source familiar with the investigation, the FBI has been enlisting the assistance of sports columnists across the nation to scour their contact lists to see if they can find any information relating to any unaccounted for members of the undefeated 1972 Dolphins team.

Many people in sporting circles slapped their foreheads and uttered the words “of course” when the news was released regarding the suspicion of the old Dolphins. It has been well documented during the course of every season since 1973 that many members of the 1972 Dolphins team get together in person or via conference call and have a champagne toast once the last remaining undefeated NFL team has been beaten.

Perhaps not as well known, but potentially more telling, is the fact that outside of those members from the undefeated team like Don Shula, Nick Buoniconti, Larry Csonka, Bob Griese, Jim Langer, Larry Little, and Paul Warfield who have been immortalized in the Hall of Fame, many of the role players from the 1972 Dolphins clutch to this 30 year record as if their entire identity and reason for existence depended upon it.

“We have determined that in 1998 conversations regarding the possible kidnapping of quarterback John Elway occurred amongst members of the 1972 Miami Dolphins when the Denver Broncos started their season at 13-0,” said Robert Bupkiss, spokesman for the Indianapolis Sheriff’s Office. “Witnesses to these conversations could not say whether these conversations were serious or in jest and the Broncos lost the next game so any potential plans were scrapped.”

This time, however, the evidence is mounting against an extreme element from the undefeated Dolphins team hoping to protect their gridiron days of glory. Mr. Bupkiss confirmed that authorities have determined that the note found in Mr. Manning’s Hummer had been assembled from words cut out of magazines like Field & Steam and Golf Digest, which definitely fits the profile of these aging warriors.

Despite these off-field distractions, the question everybody in the football world is asking is whether the Colts can continue their winning ways without the service of their on-field general, Peyton Manning?

“His [Peyton Manning's] teammates, the Colts organization and entire Colts nation are in turmoil,” said Indianapolis head coach Tony Dungy. “He is certainly one of the keys to our success and a valuable member of this team. Should he not be located before game time on Saturday, he will be missed, but all of us are working hard to put together a winning plan as we prepare to face the Seahawks.”

The sports world will know the outcome Saturday evening when the ones sipping champagne will either be Colts and their fans (and, perhaps, Peyton Manning) or the 1972 Miami Dolphins (perhaps from paper cups inside a cramped jail cell).

By Raoul Thibodeaux, Avant News Staff Writer