Israeli and Palestinian Ambassadors Remain Hopeful About Upcoming Peace Talks

Hebron, April 22, 2110 -- "A ceasefire is just around the corner," claimed Jakob Weisman, assistant to the Minister of Education, from inside the armored SpeakerDome™. Reports coming in from all sectors suggest a piquant curiosity on the part of both the Israeli and Palestinian populace.

Despite the ultimate failures of the Oslo peace process (1991-2000), the 1995 peace accord, the 1999-2001 peace talks, the 2003 Quartet "Roadmap" for peace, the 2012 Buffer Zone agenda, the 2020-2028 peace talks, the 2032 Nashji Mandate, the 2037 UN directive, the 2046-2051 "Time-out" peace process, the 2069 Heimel option, and the 2074 "Good Fences" accord, there is present among those still living in the shelters and bombed-out structural tunnels a sense of positive expectation.

Next week, provided there is no further deployment of Isotope-12 missile attacks, the surviving representatives of both governments will meet for talks in Beijing. It is hoped that the Chinese-led UN council may be able to set out acceptable terms and that real progress toward a lasting ceasefire can be reached.

The difficulties facing both sides are complicated by the question of how they will actually get to Beijing in the first place. Per the UN council, the airspace quarantine will be lifted for a short period prior to the summit date. However, rumors continue to circulate regarding plots to attack the representatives en route to the landing zone. These rumors are a very pressing danger indeed, considering they only make the obvious problem of navigating the primary, secondary and tertiary mine fields more treacherous.

But not everyone is wearing rose-coloured glasses. Jamil Haddji, 37, a resident of Hebron, had this to say when asked about the upcoming talks. "I just don't get it. How can these people be so optimistic? Is there a van that's been driving around giving free lobotomies or something? If so, then sign me up, because I'm sick of this crap." Jamil then collapsed in some nearby rubble and wept quietly.

The occasional dissenting voice aside, the general attitude is positive and the air is charged with excitement as the summit nears. Never was this more evident than when we briefly encountered PNA representative Ahmed Hade on his way to be fitted for a Mobile BodySuit. When asked about his feelings on the impending talks, Representative Hade raised his fist in exultation and shouted, "This time it's going to be different!"

By Haid D'Salami, Avant News Staff Writer