Mel Gibson In League With Satan; World Shocked

Mellowvale, NV, June 6, 2066 -- Actor and Director Mel Gibson, who has impressed with world for decades with his longevity and increasingly dogmatic film productions, was revealed in a surprise announcement by the Underworld Ethics Committee to have formed an illegal pact with Satan. The UEC reports the pact may have been in place for nearly a century.

UEC Spokesman Rufus Toefinger made the following comment: "Mr. Gibson, a respected filmmaker and actor, has been found to have engaged in unethical and possibly illegal cartel-building with the widely known Prince of Darkness. We believe this pact, in violation of virtually every local and international free trade agreement, has awarded Gibson an unfair advantage in many – possibly most – of his endeavors."

According to the UEC, many of Gibson's films over the past six decades, which have grown to contain increasingly dogmatic religious overtones, may have been little more than "cover" for his nefarious alliance.

"It's a classic case of willful overcompensation, very reminiscent of the way virulent homophobes are frequently found to be self-hating closet gays. Starting with the little-remembered 'Last Temptation' movie and video game series near the beginning of the century, all the way up to his most recent production, 'Holy Scythe', Gibson has been playing a double game – and making a mint in the process." (The mint to which Toefinger refers is the widely sold Mel-Bar, a classic crucifix-shaped mint-flavored chocolate confection made with a single drop of holy water.)

The UEC believes Satan to have been intimately involved in most of Gibson's movie productions and film and multivid distribution agreements, and to have directly influenced the respected Reconstituted Larynx of Johnny Carson into endorsing his products.

Critics believe the revelations may have a severe impact on Gibson's long-term relationship with the Catholic Church. When reached for comment in the Holy See, a spokesman for Pope Sidney Poppleworth VII, asked how the Vatican would respond to the charge, replied, "If it's true, we'll probably throw The Book at him."

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor