Greenpeace Renounces Nonviolence

Amsterdam, June 19, 2010 -- Greenpeace, the activist group known for its risky, but non-combative, worldwide efforts to protect the environment, declared today it has officially renounced non-violent tactics.

The Terminal Avenger, now with torpedoesThe Terminal Avenger, now with torpedoes

The act is seen as a reaction to an increasingly hostile activist environment that has frequently pitted Greenpeace in one-sided violent confrontation against both anti-environmentalist corporate interests and the often corrupt governments that support them.

Surprise Rapture Disrupts Bush's 2007 State of the Union Address

Washington, D.C., January 24, 2007 -- President Bush's 2007 State of the Union address bumped into an unexpected snag with the "rapturing" of approximately 150,000 Fundamentalist Christians yesterday, Washington sources said.

Remains of raptured former Bush supportersRemains of raptured former Bush supporters

Rod and Reel Method May Save International Space Station

Washington, D.C., May 22, 2021 -- A groundbreaking new orbital transportation technique announced by NASA today may hasten the long-delayed completion of the International Space Station (ISS).

Astronaut Chrissie Buglebong attaches prototype rod and reel device during a dry run simulationAstronaut Chrissie Buglebong attaches prototype rod and reel device during a dry run simulation

Italy Pins Stability Hopes on Medfly

Rome, Italy, January 31, 2018 -- A spokesman pro tem for interim Prime Minister Mario Piccolo announced today that a long-term effort to modify the Constitution of Italy to improve political stability has at last been approved by outgoing members of the temporary Parliament.

Forza Italia candidate Giovanni LupitiniForza Italia candidate Giovanni Lupitini

AutoChat Fills the Solo Driver's Cell Phone Void

Singapore, August 29, 2008 -- With worldwide automotive cell phone use becoming a thing of the past due to increasingly stringent safety restrictions, Singapore-based CarMate Industries has announced a new product that aims to fill the resulting void in conversation: AutoChat. AutoChat, according to company spokesman Ni Kwai, is a fully-automated, AI-capable automotive speaking companion mainly targeting solo drivers that can engage in lively and prolonged "real-time" conversations on a wide variety of topics.

Innovative Weight Loss Book No Page-Turner

New York, September 9, 2010 -- With a diverse range of radically similar weight loss programs topping the bestseller charts this publishing season, finding a winner can be as hard as squeezing the creamy filling from an éclair while driving. Two titles, however, stand out from the pulpy mass: the innovative debut diet offering by Rod Sharpely, "40 lb.", and Augustus Phloughlop's popular "Eat Shit and Die", sequel to the 49-week number one bestseller of last year, "Drive to Your Car".

McDonald's Launches the McCockroach

Oak Brook, Illinois, April 12, 2096 -- McDonald's restaurants, responding to customer demand for healthier and more varied cuisine, have announced a new assortment of culinary selections, the McCockroach Collection.

New McDonald's McCockroach Big Bug BiteNew McDonald's McCockroach Big Bug Bite

The McCockroach will be test-launched at select franchises in three major metropolitan areas over the next five weeks, to be followed by a nationwide rollout heralded by an unprecedented 12-media crossover advertising campaign.

Cheney Showcases New Detainee "Gimp Suit" Torture Apparel

Washington, D.C., January 12, 2006 -- Vice President Cheney, who remains one of the most strident voices in the Bush administration pushing for relaxed guidelines on the treatment of so-called detainees, appeared at the White House Rose Garden yesterday wearing the gimp suit that he is now championing as a potential cornerstone of "coercive interrogation", the administration code phrase for torture.

USA Patriot Act To Ease Deficit With Pay-Per-View "Candid Americams"

Washington, D.C., November 26, 2005 -- Republican proponents of the USA Patriot Act are proposing a new provision they say will provide a fiscal silver lining to the controversial surveillance measure, but some privacy advocates are up in arms about what they see as an intolerable intrusion on privacy and civil liberties.

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