New York, July 29, 2007 -- Rush Limbaugh, the widely distributed right-wing radio and television commentator, was apparently abducted by a large swarm of dung beetles from his Manhattan studios yesterday. The abduction interrupted Limbaugh's regular afternoon live radio broadcast, resulting in several minutes of dead air which were subsequently filled by a Pat Robertson "700 Club" rebroadcast suggesting gays in the military should be used for target practice.

Rush Limbaugh, Dung Beetle (left, right)

Johannesburg, April 9, 2011 -- Following the recent successful passage of the controversial Creation Law bill in the United States, an unexpected scientific wrinkle emerged as a consequence that has sent international diamond markets into a dramatic tailspin.

Shiny object formerly known as natural diamond

New York, July 24, 2008 -- The FBI has announced an innovative plan to root out potential evildoers with the launch of the new game show, Who Wants to Be a Terrorist. The show, the first nationwide televised sting operation of its kind, is expected to result in "between zero to one arrests of confirmed terrorists or terrorist sympathizers per episode", according to Johnny Pistol, FBI Deputy Director.

New York, October 2, 2010 -- The surprisingly versatile physician and former senator Bill Frist, making his Broadway debut, stars in an inspired one-man show here at the 47th Street Theater. "Clairvoyant" is the tale of a man beset by demons, a singularity of senses torn to tatters by pugnacious persecutors, who triumphs against the odds with the inspiring resolve and stamina of a dung beetle carrying an elephant's offal on his head.