Super Bowl Halftime Show Hits New Low

Tampa, FL February 2, 2009 -- Despite the NFL having announced in 2004 that MTV would never be involved in another Super Bowl Halftime Show, NFL officials allowed MTV "to bear it all" as producer of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show. And bear it they did! Thereby demonstrating once again that never is not a long time in the the world of sports, entertainment and, least of all, business.

Tactical Nuclear Weapons Approved for American Consumers

Washington, D.C., October 9, 2021 -- Marking what may be the final passage in a series of groundbreaking weapons bills, Congress yesterday signed into law the Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill (H.R. 9985: To totally actualize the second amendment rights of all Americans), permitting the legal possession and use of tactical nuclear weapons for hunting and personal protection.

The Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill for the first time allows private citizens to safely, securely vaporize intruders, squirrels or fishThe Homeowners Fission Liberty Bill for the first time allows private citizens to safely, securely vaporize intruders, squirrels or fish

Al-Qaeda Hires Blackwater

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Moyock, North Carolina, July 8, 2008 -- While the United States continues to wage its war on terror in locations where terrorists are not originally present, Al-Qaeda (also known as: al-Qaida or al-Qa'ida or al-Qa'idah or al-¿Que?duh) has been stretched to its limits sending terrorists and trainers to assist locals fighting the Americans.

Ron Paul Sweeps Republican Primary Elections in California, New York

Sacramento, February 6, 2008 -- Republican candidate for president Ron Paul swept the primary elections in several key states on Super Tuesday. The candidate, who despite the support of a fiercely loyal virtual following who, while avid internet users, are generally too young or too anti-government to vote, had been trailing distantly in California and New York polls prior to Super Tuesday.

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul and his broom.Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul and his broom.

White House Indicted in Plamegate Scandal

Washington, D.C., April 11, 2006 -- In a move veteran Washington and Justice Department analysts call "really rare", the White House itself has been indicted in the mushrooming series of scandals surrounding the Bush Administration.

Pat Robertson Retracts God's Wrath Statement on Dover, Pennsylvania School Board

Dover, Pennsylvania, November 14, 2005 -- Pat Robertson, the conservative Christian broadcaster and popular right-wing resident loon, today retracted comments he had made last week on his "700 Club" program warning the citizens of Dover, Pennsylvania that they "better not go crying to God if disaster strikes".

Pat Robertson: Pat Robertson calling down God's wrath on Dover, PA, for rejecting creationism, a.k.a. "intelligent design"Pat Robertson: Pat Robertson calling down God's wrath on Dover, PA, for rejecting creationism, a.k.a. "intelligent design"

Canada, Muddled By Seasonal Affective Disorder, Votes in Conservatives

Ottawa, January 24, 2006 -- Canadian voters, weepy and bleary-eyed from a national epidemic of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), voted the previously dark horse Conservatives, led by Stephen Harper, into Parliament yesterday. Voter turnout was a healthy 11.8%, with over 88% of voters reportedly staying home with "apathy, runny noses, or, in most cases, both".

Map of CanadaMap of Canada

Livestock, Pets Harnessed As Important New Energy Resource

Wenatchee, Washington, June 29, 2013 -- A technological breakthrough developed by the Wenatchee, Washington-based startup group Cownetics United Development, Inc. (Nasdaq: CUD) promises to significantly ameliorate the nation's ongoing energy crisis with virtually no negative environmental consequences.

Caninetic and Cownetic turbine unitsCaninetic and Cownetic turbine units

Horoscope Correctly Predicts Demise of Taurus

Wakka Wakka, Texas, June 30, 2019 -- Astrological aficionados born in the months of April and May were briefly shocked yesterday to read a chilling prediction posted in the Dallas/Ft.Worth Rancher's Almanac. The horoscope entry, which according to horoscope specialists was an unusually categorical example of the genre, read, simply, "Taurus: You die today."

Taurus – astrological sign (no longer applicable to the living): Image: Digital Sky LLCTaurus – astrological sign (no longer applicable to the living): Image: Digital Sky LLC

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