Man Swallows Bug
Indianapolis, August 29, 2007 -- An Indianapolis resident reportedly sustained serious injuries after swallowing a bug yesterday while riding his bicycle at high speed near the South Grove Golf Course. The victim, Walter Jacobsen, of Wynnedale, Indiana, was rushed to Wishard Memorial Hospital where he was treated for multiple contusions, trauma, and concussion. He is reported to be in stable condition.
Cloned Schrödinger's Cats to Flatten Future Tsunamis
Upton, New York, March 29, 2009 -- A team of physicists at Brookhaven Lab in Upton, New York are currently developing a revolutionary system that will protect coastal areas of the world against future tsunamis using the unique quantum mechanical characteristics of physicist Erwin Schrödinger's cat. The system should be operational within three years or as soon as a sufficient number of Schrödinger's cats can be cloned, whichever comes first.
STRAI tsunami cat (interior view)
NSA Wiretap Program Uses Innovative Router-Sniffing Spy Dogs
Fort Meade, Maryland, August 12, 2006 -- With all the controversy surrounding President Bush's illegal NSA (National Security Agency) wiretap surveillance program, some of the benefits and the remarkable technological successes brought into being by the admittedly unconstitutional operation can be easily overlooked. One of these unheralded achievements carries attributes that many will find surprising: namely, four legs and a tail. Meet Mother, the NSA's router-sniffing spy dog.
Ashton Kutcher to Host Twitter's Reality TV Show
San Francisco, CA, July 13, 2009 -- Yesterday saw the surprising announcement that Twitter has brought Ashton Kutcher onboard to host its upcoming reality TV show. The show, Thy Tweeting Twit, is planned to debut this fall on FOX and will be direct sent from a location yet to be determined somewhere in the county of Warwickshire, England.
To tweet or not to tweet, that is the question
The Race is On: Chimps Are Out-Evolving Humans
Portland, May 12, 2009 -- The results are in: chimps are evolving faster than human beings. This startling discovery was made by a group of biologists and evolutionary scientists at the Biped Research Institute of Portland, Oregon following a three-year study into the genetic and evolutionary patterns of multiple generations of both species.
Bush Announces Immediate Withdrawal of U.S. Troops From Iraq
Washington, D.C., November 29, 2023 -- President Jeb Bush today announced plans to immediately withdraw all U.S. troops from Iraq. The announcement will affect all 465,000 troops currently stationed throughout Iraqi territory, as well as the 194,800 troops fighting in the joint Iran-Iraq controlled friendship zone along the eastern Iraqi border and 86,000 in semi-autonomous Kurdistan. White House Press Secretary Jenna Bush said the troop withdrawal should be complete within five to seven weeks, "give or take a few years".
Iraq Study Group Report Includes $25 Million Reward for Exit Strategy
Washington, D.C., December 11, 2006 -- After nine months of intensive deliberations, the bipartisan Iraq Study Group has finally released its long-awaited Iraq Study Group Report in which the prestigious think tank concludes: "The Iraq Study Group will offer $25 million to anyone who can come up with a viable solution to the Iraq quagmire because, frankly, we're stumped".
ISG co-chairs James A. Baker III and Lee H. Hamilton
President George W. Bush is said to be "real happy" about the findings.
World Leader, Inc. World Leader at World Leading
January 1, 2522 -- //PRPressReleaseV22.2// -- World Leader, Inc. [NYSE:WLI], a world leader at world leading, announced today that for the third consecutive year it continues to lead the world at leading the world at world leading. The announcement was made at a press availability prior to the annual World Leader World Leader awards, presented annually by World Leader, Inc.
Nostalgic Bush Says FY09 Budget "Last Chance to Shaft the Poor"
Washington, D.C., February 12, 2008 -- An unusually somber and introspective President George W. Bush, presenting the details of his $3.1 trillion fiscal year 2009 budget proposal for members of the American Plutocrats Union, a conservative group, lamented that the budget proposal represents his “last chance to shaft the poor.” He urged the assembled audience to do “everything in their powers” to convince their elected representatives that the budget proposal represented an historic opportunity that may not return for a decade or more.
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