Lufthansa Airbus A380-800 Hijacked By Own Autopilot

Berlin, April 2, 2009 -- A Lufthansa A380-800 passenger aircraft carrying 523 passengers was hijacked shortly after takeoff yesterday, apparently by its own autopilot. The aircraft, which was scheduled to fly from Berlin's Tegel airport to Bangkok, Thailand, experienced a "non-standard route deviation" roughly 12 minutes into its flight.

Top Christmas Gift Gadgets 2005-2105: A Retrospective

Lohrngollivo, December 15, 2105 -- The Avant News team has spent literally minutes poring over our voluminous archival records to bring you a snapshot of some of the most popular gadgets purchased, wrapped, gift-carded and inflicted on loved ones as Christmas and holiday presents over the past 100 years. Following are what we, based on our extensive research, have selected as a few of the top gadget gifts of the century:

Pentagon Beefs Up Iraq Troop Humvee Security With Baby on Board Stickers

Washington, D.C., November 19, 2006 -- Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman announced today the US Defense Department will begin an immediate security upgrade process for soldiers stationed in Iraq by equipping unarmored and up-armored HMMWV vehicles (Humvees) with heavy-duty "Baby on Board" stickers.

Baby on Board Security Enhancer-equipped HumveeBaby on Board Security Enhancer-equipped Humvee

Defense Secretary Gates Plans Major Offensive on Apple, Linux, Google

Washington, D.C., February 2, 2007 -- Microsoft Corp. co-founder Bill Gates, who was appointed by President Bush to replace Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary in November of last year and confirmed by the Senate today, said he will dedicate his new mandate in part "to the ongoing global struggle against unfair competition and open source radicalism".

Secretary of Defense William H. Gates IIISecretary of Defense William H. Gates III

Iraqi President Bush May Be Stoned For Blasphemy

Baghdad, Iraq, March 12, 2012 -- Iraqi President George W. Bush is currently in perhaps the most pressing peril of his long political career following a conviction by the highest religious court of Iraq for blasphemy, a crime punishable by death under Iraq's strict Sharia law. Under the ruling, President Bush is scheduled to be executed via public stoning before the next full moon, expected March 30. A spokesman for Bush stated he plans to appeal the ruling.

Electricity Found to Cause Massive Brain Cell Loss

Tulsa, Oklahoma, July 19, 2014 -- A sweeping two-part study of the effects of electricity on the human body has concluded that short- or long-term exposure to the phenomena may be responsible for the untimely demise of millions of brain cells.

A brainA brain

The study also brings scientists to the disturbing conclusion, described by coordinators as "shocking", that most humans are unwilling to alter their behavior to prevent damage to their primary brain functions, even when made aware of the causes of that damage

House Outlaws Computers in Wake of Masturgate

Washington, D.C., February 12, 2007 -- Speaker of the House Dennis ("Denny") Hastert announced yesterday that the U.S. House of Representatives has banned all computers, BlackBerries, modern cell phones and other electronic communications devices from its offices and related premises.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, co-sponsor of the IM Clean ActHouse Speaker Dennis Hastert, co-sponsor of the IM Clean Act

Ousted Karl Rove Takes New Job With Hugo Chavez

Caracas, Venezuela, December 2, 2006 -- Karl Rove, the Machiavellian strategist credited with major GOP election successes in 2000, 2002 and 2004, was fired by the Bush Administration today, three weeks after the November 7, 2006 massacre that ended the Republican majority in virtually every state and local branch of American government.

Flor del Turd Karl RoveFlor del Turd Karl Rove

Justice Roberts Admits to "Taking a Dive" During Oath of Office

Washington, D.C., January 21, 2009 -- Chief Justice John G. Roberts admitted early this morning that he had "taken a dive" during the administration yesterday of the Oath of Office to President Barack H. Obama during the new president's inauguration, claiming a "momentary lapse of jurisprudence".

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