NSA Wiretap Program Uses Innovative Router-Sniffing Spy Dogs
Fort Meade, Maryland, August 12, 2006 -- With all the controversy surrounding President Bush's illegal NSA (National Security Agency) wiretap surveillance program, some of the benefits and the remarkable technological successes brought into being by the admittedly unconstitutional operation can be easily overlooked. One of these unheralded achievements carries attributes that many will find surprising: namely, four legs and a tail. Meet Mother, the NSA's router-sniffing spy dog.
U.S. Military to Reduce Iraq Troop Levels From 138,000 to 163,000
Washington, D.C., June 19, 2006 -- Citing an improving security situation in key Iraqi provinces, U.S. military commanders say they have begun the long-promised task of reducing the American troop presence in Iraq, beginning with a reduction to about 163,000 from the current 138,000 scheduled over the next six months.
Study Finds Human Brain Capable of Finite Number of Thoughts
St. Paul, Minnesota, July 22, 2017 -- A groundbreaking study performed by the St. Paul, Minnesota-based Institute for Cranial Spelunking has determined that human brains are capable of generating only a finite number of thoughts before becoming "utterly expended or depleted".
Human brain - planned obsolescence
The ICS study is expected to have profound implications on many aspects of human endeavour that involve thinking, pondering, mulling, or cogitation.
Howard Stern Claims Fatherhood of Madonna's Malawi Baby
Hollywood, November 12, 2006 -- Veteran broadcaster Howard Stern announced today on his radio show "The Howard Stern Show" that he is the real father of the baby boy adopted last month by Madonna in Malawi, surprising most celebrity gossip columnists, the Malawi Board of Adoptions, the father of the baby himself, and photographer Larry Birkhead, who claims to be the father of both the adopted baby, Madonna, Mr. Stern, and the Malawi Board of Adoptions.
Some random baby
Adoption of Homeless Win-Win For All
New York, NY, February 9, 2011 -- Eleanor Rosenblad sits in her spacious six room Upper East Side apartment sipping tea while her homeless companion Larry Corbett plays with a squeaky gun toy on the floor. "It really does feel fulfilling to be in a position to help people whilst getting something back," Eleanor says, reaching over to rub Larry's head affectionately. Eleanor and Larry are two of many that have found companionship as a solution to the increasing population of homeless and destitute throughout the city.
The Race is On: Chimps Are Out-Evolving Humans
Portland, May 12, 2009 -- The results are in: chimps are evolving faster than human beings. This startling discovery was made by a group of biologists and evolutionary scientists at the Biped Research Institute of Portland, Oregon following a three-year study into the genetic and evolutionary patterns of multiple generations of both species.
FEMA Posts New Avian Flu Awareness Pages on Ready.gov
Washington, D.C., December 12, 2005 -- The Federal Emergency Magnifying Agency (FUBAR) has posted a new consumer preparedness section on its Ready.gov "Panic Now Before We're All Dead" site dedicated to improving citizen readiness in the likely event of a near-certain imminent deadly bird flu outbreak. Michael Brown, former FUBAR head and currently sub-assistant layout coordinator for the Ready.gov site, said, "It's a real hit. This site tells you everything you need to know to get ready for an avian flu epidemic. Pandemic. Epidemic? Does anybody know what the difference is?"
Bush On Strike From Carlyle Group For Longer Vacations, Shorter Working Hours
Washington, D.C., September 26, 2009 -- Former President George W. Bush raised eyebrows at the Carlyle Group, his place of employment, today by announcing he will be staging a one-man wildcat strike, effective immediately, for longer vacations and improved working conditions.
The former president, who during his eight-year tenure in the White House spent over five years on vacation and who during his presidency was accustomed to two-hour working days interspersed with naps and lengthy fund-raising junkets, said working conditions at Carlyle were "unaccepticable".
Dick Cheney Awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom
Washington, D.C., August 9, 2006 -- Vice President Dick Cheney has been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Bush, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today. Cheney thereby joins the ranks of other top-level officials whom Bush has honored with the prestigious award, including former Iraq CPA head L. Paul Bremer, General Tommy Franks, and former CIA director George Tenet. Vice President Cheney issued no public response to the honor and has been unavailable for comment.
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