Iraqi President Bush May Be Stoned For Blasphemy
Baghdad, Iraq, March 12, 2012 -- Iraqi President George W. Bush is currently in perhaps the most pressing peril of his long political career following a conviction by the highest religious court of Iraq for blasphemy, a crime punishable by death under Iraq's strict Sharia law. Under the ruling, President Bush is scheduled to be executed via public stoning before the next full moon, expected March 30. A spokesman for Bush stated he plans to appeal the ruling.
Harriet Miers Out, Britney Spears In for Supreme Court Justice
Washington, D.C., January 4, 2006 -- Britney Spears will be the new Bush nominee for Supreme Court Justice, replacing Harriet Miers, whose nomination was recently withdrawn in the face of overwhelming bipartisan public sniggering. Close observers of the Miers fracas have pointed out that Bush's withdrawal of Miers' nomination was actually little more than a technicality, given that the Senate, in a rare moment of bipartisanship, had already voted 93-7 against confirmation last November.
GOP Moves to Add Nine Months to Official Age of Americans
Washington, D.C., August 22, 2008 -- A powerful anti-abortion phalanx of the Republican congressional majority has launched an initiative toward redefining age based on the group's fundamental "life begins at conception" premise. The initiative, if passed, will have the effect of adding approximately nine months to the official age of every American.
Peter Jackson's King Kong II - Movie Review
Hollywood, CA December 12, 2006 -- From the opening scene in which King Kong breaks free from his underground cell in Area 51 to the closing scene when the 2008 Presidential election results are announced, Peter Jackson’s King Kong II: Mad Monkey Mayhem keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.
Ousted Karl Rove Takes New Job With Hugo Chavez
Caracas, Venezuela, December 2, 2006 -- Karl Rove, the Machiavellian strategist credited with major GOP election successes in 2000, 2002 and 2004, was fired by the Bush Administration today, three weeks after the November 7, 2006 massacre that ended the Republican majority in virtually every state and local branch of American government.
Flor del Turd Karl Rove
Study Suggests Soul Sale Obesity Panacea
Palo Alto, California, August 12, 2022 -- A team of metaphysical researchers announced today a discovery that may provide a quick, painless, unexpected cure for chronic obesity. The dramatic conclusions were made public following the completion of a three-year study focused on determining the weight of human souls.
Human soul (detail)
Ford, GM to Acquire Each Other
Detroit, August 19, 2009 -- Automotive giants Ford Motor Company (F) and General Motors (GM) galvanized American stock markets early this afternoon with nearly simultaneous hostile bids to acquire each other.
Ford was out first, issuing a bid to buy all outstanding shares of GM for $40 a share, a 30% premium on Friday's closing price. Mere seconds later, GM announced a bid to acquire Ford for $9 a share, a 35% premium. Shares in both industrial giants skyrocketed during the subsequent buying frenzy.
Justice Roberts Admits to "Taking a Dive" During Oath of Office
Washington, D.C., January 21, 2009 -- Chief Justice John G. Roberts admitted early this morning that he had "taken a dive" during the administration yesterday of the Oath of Office to President Barack H. Obama during the new president's inauguration, claiming a "momentary lapse of jurisprudence".
Justice Harriet Miers Steps Down, Citing Confusion
Washington, D.C., December 29, 2008 -- In an unprecedented development, Harriet Miers, who was confirmed in 2005 as Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, announced this morning she will be voluntarily stepping down from the post, citing "confusion over constitutional issues, court procedure, and generally how to be a judge." Should she proceed with her announced intentions, Justice Miers will become, with three years on the job, the shortest-serving Supreme Court Justice in American history.
Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.
