New York, July 29, 2007 -- Rush Limbaugh, the widely distributed right-wing radio and television commentator, was apparently abducted by a large swarm of dung beetles from his Manhattan studios yesterday. The abduction interrupted Limbaugh's regular afternoon live radio broadcast, resulting in several minutes of dead air which were subsequently filled by a Pat Robertson "700 Club" rebroadcast suggesting gays in the military should be used for target practice.

Rush Limbaugh, Dung Beetle (left, right)

Beijing, March 19, 2010 -- A press release issued by the Chinese government today announced the countrywide implementation of a new high-tech tracking initiative designed to "increase security and prosperity for all citizens of the People's Republic of China."

The plan, detailed by Zhou Bo Kai, chief executive of China's Ministry of Public Security, will involve the implantation of long-range, high-frequency RFID devices in every one of China's estimated 1.4 billion citizens over the next 18 months.

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2006 -- The Bush administration has filed for Chapter 11 moral bankruptcy protection, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today. The unusual move, Mr. McClellan explained, is in reaction to the growing spate of scandals that have brought presidential stock in both national and international markets to the brink of collapse.

The filing will protect the Bush administration from moral creditors while a court-appointed ethical overseer evaluates the administration's moral debt.