Rogue Goose Foils Final Missile Shield Test
Hurricane Harbor, California, October 27, 2008 -- An errant Canada goose has been blamed for the failure of the 25th and final test of George W. Bush's missile shield, a defense department spokesman said today.
A "gimpy goose" such as that held responsible for latest missile shield failure
President Bush Remains Mute Throughout 2008 State of the Union Address
Washington, D.C., January 28, 2008 -- In a development that some pundits are already terming “unprecedented”, President George W. Bush, who was scheduled to deliver his final State of the Union address tonight, remained silent throughout the entire proceeding.
President Bush at the 2008 State of the Union: Mum's the word
Citigroup, Bank of America Announce ATM Instant Equity Exchange Program
New York, April 6, 2009 -- Citigroup (NYSE: C) and Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) today jointly announced the launch of an innovative program, dubbed ATM Instant Equity Exchange, under which the two banks will commence dispensing stock vouchers rather than cash from ATMs under their control. Wells Fargo (NYSE: WFC) is expected to sign on to the program later in the week.
Citibank, co-founder of the AIEE! program: Photo (CC) Ed Yourdon.
Cheney Yearns for Return to Oil-Based Economy
Wichita, KS, January 16, 2047 -- In an exclusive interview with the award-winning Daily Mumbler of Wichita, Kansas, Former Vice President Dick Cheney spoke feelingly of his dream of "a return to the oil-based economy."
Interviewed at his home in suburban Wichita, the 106-year-old retired oil services company executive and former statesman discussed at length his feeling that the world had made "a wrong turn" in rejecting fossil fuels in favor of non-polluting, renewable energy resources. At times, his tone was wistful, at others vehement.
Teen 'Cap Busting' on the Rise
Mobile, AL, March 5, 2018 -- Ashlee Drummond’s footsteps echo along the corridor as she nervously awaits word from the doctor on the condition of her son, Roger. Ashlee joins tens of thousands of parents across the U.S. who have faced or are facing the result of the latest teen craze sweeping the nation -- cap busting. For those unfamiliar with the phrase, cap busting involves voluntarily shooting off one's kneecap with a shotgun.
Human Error Cited in Rove Exorcism SNAFU
Washington, D.C., November 27, 2007 -- Human error was cited as the cause of the latest failure to exorcise what leading demonologists have termed "an unprecedented can of infernal worms" from the tormented soul of White House Special Advisor Karl Rove.
Man Swallows Bug
Indianapolis, August 29, 2007 -- An Indianapolis resident reportedly sustained serious injuries after swallowing a bug yesterday while riding his bicycle at high speed near the South Grove Golf Course. The victim, Walter Jacobsen, of Wynnedale, Indiana, was rushed to Wishard Memorial Hospital where he was treated for multiple contusions, trauma, and concussion. He is reported to be in stable condition.
J. Lo., P.L.O. Swap First Initials
Jerusalem, June 22, 2007 -- Widespread pop diva Jennifer Lopez finalized her $87 million licensing agreement with the Palestine Liberation Organization, and the two parties will swap initials on Tuesday.
Electrolux NannoGoat Bleats it Neat While You Count Sheep
Reno, September 22, 2155 -- The festivities were frolicsome, the conversation frivolous, and as the last of the guests slip one by one through the vapor-lock and into their plasma cubes for the bounce home, the hosts sigh at the hurricane-like swath of residue left by the merriment: glass shards, cracker crumbs, innumerable dribblings of hors d'oeuvres. But do they don decontaminant apparel and reach for broom and dustpan?
Individual NannoGoat (shown in front of a half-inch $500 coin)
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