New York, September 9, 2010 -- With a diverse range of radically similar weight loss programs topping the bestseller charts this publishing season, finding a winner can be as hard as squeezing the creamy filling from an éclair while driving. Two titles, however, stand out from the pulpy mass: the innovative debut diet offering by Rod Sharpely, "40 lb.", and Augustus Phloughlop's popular "Eat Shit and Die", sequel to the 49-week number one bestseller of last year, "Drive to Your Car".

New York, December 31, 2014 -- A major study recently completed by the Human Quirk Index, a multinational think-tank dedicated to tracking aberrant human behavior, has determined that many, if not most, New Year's resolutions are never fully followed. The study may have profound implications on the widely observed cultural phenomenon which leading HQI scientists, based on the results of the study, have dismissed as "kind of pointless, really".

Mendeleev, Utah, March 9, 2071 -- In a dramatic development that may permanently alter the political landscape of the periodic table, a group of revolutionary metalloids has overthrown the royal house of the noble gases in what has been described as a "violent yet bloodless revolution".

Glorious Revolutionary Leader President King Antimony

A spokesman for the metalloids announced the group's intention to install a democratic government based on the principles of "liberty, equality, and covalence".

Hebron, April 22, 2110 -- "A ceasefire is just around the corner," claimed Jakob Weisman, assistant to the Minister of Education, from inside the armored SpeakerDome™. Reports coming in from all sectors suggest a piquant curiosity on the part of both the Israeli and Palestinian populace.