Jesus Endorses Obama; Four Horsemen Opt for McCain
New York, February 16, 2008 -- Jesus of Nazareth, popularly perceived as the Son of God, announced his endorsement of Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama yesterday during a rare guest appearance on CBS' Late Show with David Letterman.
The appearance was the first time Jesus has returned to earth with the specific goal of endorsing a political candidate, several pundits and religious scholars agreed, and may in fact be the first recorded reappearance ever of the widely admired supernatural entity.
Whirlpool Stocks Soar on Back of Macrowave Non-Oven
Washington, DC January 17, 2011 -- Whirlpool (WHR: NYSE) stocks surged fifteen percent today on the release of their latest “must have consumer appliance,” the Macrowave Non-Oven™. The Whirlpool Corporation, marketers of Whirlpool, KitchenAid, Brastemp, Bauknecht, Consul and other major brand names, has seen its marketshare decline in recent years and has put all it can into this appliance that can be used to quickly chill foods and beverages.
“The Macrowave will do to refrigeration what the microwave did to cooking” said Whirlpool CEO Edmund Silver in a press conference today.
Halliburton Executive Mistakenly Leaves $1.7 Billion Contract As Tip
Washington, D.C., December 9, 2005 -- A Halliburton executive mistakenly left a $1.7 billion no-bid military procurement contract as a tip in a Washington, D.C. restaurant yesterday, a spokesman for the restaurant, B. Smith's at 50 Massachusetts Ave. NE, said yesterday.
GOP To Issue Targeted Ballots To Illegal Immigrants For Mid-Term Elections
Washington, D.C., October 5, 2006 -- Republican national committee chairman Ken Mehlman announced today that a special form of ballot will be issued to illegal immigrants across the United States in time for use in this November's pivotal mid-term elections.
The ballots, dubbed "Provisional Targeted Ballots" by the GOP, will allow illegal immigrants to actively participate in the "great and noble experiment that is American democracy", according to Mr. Mehlman, before being deported back to their homelands in boxcars by members of the Republican Guard (Immigrant Deportation Division).
Godzilla-like creature ”natural phenomenon”, says TEPCO chairman
Fukushima, Japan, April 22, 2011 – The large, Godzilla-like aquatic creature that has appeared off the coast of Fukushima, Japan, was described by Tokyo Electric Power Co. chairman Tsunehisa Katsumata as a ”purely natural phenomenon” entirely unconnected to the ongoing crisis at the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant. His assessment was subsequently confirmed by Japanese governmental authorities.
DeLay, Rove, Safavian, Abramoff and Frist Showcase Prison Tats
Gainesville, Texas, November 11, 2014 -- While the runway mince was lunky and the torsos pale and portly, there was much to be savored last night at the season's gala Prison Tattoo premiere, held before a star-studded audience at the stylish Gainesville Federal License Plate Manufacturing Facility Grande Ballroom.
Karl Rove prison tattoos, detail (chest, belly)
Entire Cast of Survivor Guatemala Killed in Nuclear Bunker-Buster Test Blunder
Guatemala City, Guatemala, December 2, 2005 -- Fans and viewers of the popular CBS reality television show Survivor Guatemala: The Maya Empire were dealt a disappointing blow with the admission by the US Defense Department that it had inadvertently vaporized the entire remaining cast in a nuclear weapons testing blunder yesterday.
A spokesman for CBS said the incident was "regrettable", but added that the network plans to continue the series with a resurrected cast of surviving former Survivors under the name Survivor Guatemala: The Day After.
Big Savings for Military Procurement Using "IKEA Model"
Hampton Roads, Virginia, July 22, 2017 -- US defense secretary Alberto Fulshrop said today that the military's adoption of the so-called "IKEA model" last year has resulted in military procurement savings close to the projected goal of 10%, or over $183 billion. Secretary Fulshrop hailed the program as a "sterling success, and a genuinely fun project for all the enthusiastic do-it-yourselfers in the services."
C17 Globemaster III awaiting assembly at Kirtland Air Force Base, New Mexico
Digg.com Leaps Into Non-Virtual Worlds With Stickable Digg-its
Spokane, June 9, 2007 -- Digg.com, the popular internet-based social bookmarking and news community, has taken a giant leap forward into "non-virtual spaces" with its launch of Stickable Digg-its™. A joint venture with 3M, manufacturer of Post-it Notes™, Stickable Digg-its aim to move Digg.com bookmarking tools, already ubiquitous on the internet, into the mainstream of the physical world.
Stickable Digg-it™ in action
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