Iraqi President Bush May Be Stoned For Blasphemy

Baghdad, Iraq, March 12, 2012 -- Iraqi President George W. Bush is currently in perhaps the most pressing peril of his long political career following a conviction by the highest religious court of Iraq for blasphemy, a crime punishable by death under Iraq's strict Sharia law. Under the ruling, President Bush is scheduled to be executed via public stoning before the next full moon, expected March 30. A spokesman for Bush stated he plans to appeal the ruling.

GOP Moves to Add Nine Months to Official Age of Americans

Washington, D.C., August 22, 2008 -- A powerful anti-abortion phalanx of the Republican congressional majority has launched an initiative toward redefining age based on the group's fundamental "life begins at conception" premise. The initiative, if passed, will have the effect of adding approximately nine months to the official age of every American.

Electricity Found to Cause Massive Brain Cell Loss

Tulsa, Oklahoma, July 19, 2014 -- A sweeping two-part study of the effects of electricity on the human body has concluded that short- or long-term exposure to the phenomena may be responsible for the untimely demise of millions of brain cells.

A brainA brain

The study also brings scientists to the disturbing conclusion, described by coordinators as "shocking", that most humans are unwilling to alter their behavior to prevent damage to their primary brain functions, even when made aware of the causes of that damage

House Outlaws Computers in Wake of Masturgate

Washington, D.C., February 12, 2007 -- Speaker of the House Dennis ("Denny") Hastert announced yesterday that the U.S. House of Representatives has banned all computers, BlackBerries, modern cell phones and other electronic communications devices from its offices and related premises.

House Speaker Dennis Hastert, co-sponsor of the IM Clean ActHouse Speaker Dennis Hastert, co-sponsor of the IM Clean Act

Ford, GM to Acquire Each Other

Detroit, August 19, 2009 -- Automotive giants Ford Motor Company (F) and General Motors (GM) galvanized American stock markets early this afternoon with nearly simultaneous hostile bids to acquire each other.

Ford was out first, issuing a bid to buy all outstanding shares of GM for $40 a share, a 30% premium on Friday's closing price. Mere seconds later, GM announced a bid to acquire Ford for $9 a share, a 35% premium. Shares in both industrial giants skyrocketed during the subsequent buying frenzy.

Justice Roberts Admits to "Taking a Dive" During Oath of Office

Washington, D.C., January 21, 2009 -- Chief Justice John G. Roberts admitted early this morning that he had "taken a dive" during the administration yesterday of the Oath of Office to President Barack H. Obama during the new president's inauguration, claiming a "momentary lapse of jurisprudence".

Justice Harriet Miers Steps Down, Citing Confusion

Washington, D.C., December 29, 2008 -- In an unprecedented development, Harriet Miers, who was confirmed in 2005 as Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court, announced this morning she will be voluntarily stepping down from the post, citing "confusion over constitutional issues, court procedure, and generally how to be a judge." Should she proceed with her announced intentions, Justice Miers will become, with three years on the job, the shortest-serving Supreme Court Justice in American history.

NASA Launches First-Ever Faith-Based Space Program

Washington, D.C., April 19, 2010 -- NASA, the United States' National Aeronautics and Space Administration, announced today the launch of the first-ever faith-based space program. The project, working-titled "In God We Thrust", will develop and launch a range of orbital, lunar, and interplanetary space vehicles using entirely faith-based methods of engineering, aeronautics, electronics and astrophysics.

First faith-based NASA moon mission (artist's conception)First faith-based NASA moon mission (artist's conception)

Kobe Bryant Clones Debut in 100% Kobe Bryant- Derived LA Kobe Bryants

Los Angeles, November 3, 2023 -- Cloned progeny of legendary basketball superstar Kobe Bryant will at last be making their NBA debut this Sunday as the newly-launched LA Kobe Bryants meet local rival the LA Chamberlains at Staples Arena in Los Angeles.

LA Kobe Bryants, Team PhotoLA Kobe Bryants, Team Photo

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