Lohrngollivo, December 15, 2105 -- The Avant News team has spent literally minutes poring over our voluminous archival records to bring you a snapshot of some of the most popular gadgets purchased, wrapped, gift-carded and inflicted on loved ones as Christmas and holiday presents over the past 100 years. Following are what we, based on our extensive research, have selected as a few of the top gadget gifts of the century:

Washington, D.C., November 9, 2015 -- The level of political discourse in America has improved by a whopping 43% since the Laryngeal Bleep Implant became a requirement for all politicians early last year, a new study shows.

Politician equipped with the discreet, effective Laryngeal Bleep Implant

Holy See, August 29, 2020 -- The recent discovery of a fossilized lump of human feces believed to have once emerged from the body of Jesus Christ, Son of God, has swept a whirlpool of excitement and controversy throughout the altars of the religious world.

Cave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discovered

Mali, September 22, 2015 -- A local ostrich, Zzirrk Struthio II, has been charged with multiple ostricides following a grisly chance discovery in the two-toed, long-necked ratite's backyard. Mr. Struthio was taken into custody and is being held at the Municipal Pen on a bond of 100,000 grubs pending trial.

Two of Mr. Struthio's victims

"It was probably the most gruesome thing I've ever stumbled across," Krrbll Trrtt, a young ostrich who lives next door to Mr. Struthio with his parents, said.