John F. Kennedy Space Center, Florida, October 12, 2006 -- Facing what may be the worst fiscal shortfall in the space agency's history, a spokesman for NASA today announced a plan to resort to the extreme cost-saving measure of acquiring most future spacecraft from budget retailer Wal-Mart. An initial consignment of six "Econo-Capsules" purchased by NASA via the Wal-Mart e-commerce website at a cost of $29.95 each (plus shipping and handling), is slated for delivery this December.

Wal-Mart Econo-Capsule

Los Angeles, August 22, 2006 -- Several buildings were damaged when a huge explosion rocked the Fox Entertainment pap-production compound in Los Angeles yesterday. A preliminary analysis of the debris by the Los Angeles County Explosive Ordnance Unit determined that the explosion was not caused by a terrorist act, as was first feared, but was rather triggered by the inadvertent attainment of "reality show critical mass" by the studio.

San Francisco, CA, March 22, 2008 -- A new CNN/Zogby/Pollsters Club poll of American political polling habits finds that a majority of Americans admit “they do not always lie” in political polls. The results are expected to grant greater credence to the results of pre- and post-election polling conducted during the 2008 presidential election campaign season.

Washington, D.C., January 4, 2006 -- Britney Spears will be the new Bush nominee for Supreme Court Justice, replacing Harriet Miers, whose nomination was recently withdrawn in the face of overwhelming bipartisan public sniggering. Close observers of the Miers fracas have pointed out that Bush's withdrawal of Miers' nomination was actually little more than a technicality, given that the Senate, in a rare moment of bipartisanship, had already voted 93-7 against confirmation last November.