Washington, D.C., January 9, 2007 -- Leading Republican senators who had formed a Suicide PAC prior to the 2006 midterm elections are now reconsidering their positions, beltway sources report. The unusual political action committee was designed to ensure members' reelections by codifying a formal "loss provision", under which PAC members vowed to commit suicide in the event of failure at the ballot box.

Outgoing Senator Rick Santorum, co-founder of DOH!

Ottawa, Canada, February 5, 2008 -- Late into Super Tuesday primary election voting today, two intrepid investigative journalists with the Washington Post revealed that Mitt Romney, Republican candidate for president, has for over two years also been the Canadian Prime Minister. The discovery is expected to throw some doubt on the future of Mr. Romney's campaign.

“We'd been checking out Mitt Romney's background as part of our routine reporting ahead of the Republican primary elections,” Robert Hoffman, one of the Washington Post reporters who made the surprising Romney discovery, said.

Washington, D.C., February 22, 2006 -- A mix-up in the labeling of conservative talking points transmitted by the Bush administration yesterday reportedly led to widespread confusion among the extensive network of radio, television and internet commentators used to disseminate the White House's message.

Washington, January 14, 2007 -- Prior to the November 7 midterm elections, many political analysts wondered how President Bush would handle the last two years of his presidency if the Democrats seized control of the Congress. Nearly all agreed it would be a lonely time for a President accustomed to being surrounded by friends in Congress. None of the analyst's observations included the possibility that President Bush would retreat from the world stage to the world of online gaming.