Washington, D.C., September 26, 2009 -- Former President George W. Bush raised eyebrows at the Carlyle Group, his place of employment, today by announcing he will be staging a one-man wildcat strike, effective immediately, for longer vacations and improved working conditions.

The former president, who during his eight-year tenure in the White House spent over five years on vacation and who during his presidency was accustomed to two-hour working days interspersed with naps and lengthy fund-raising junkets, said working conditions at Carlyle were "unaccepticable".

Washington, D.C., June 28, 2006 -- During a speech delivered in the White House Rose Garden, President George W. Bush today made the case for an important new proposed constitutional amendment, the "Defense of Pandering Amendment".

Under the terms of the proposed amendment, it would become unlawful for journalists, lawmakers and private citizens to publicly identify election-year pandering as election-year pandering during the course of an election-year pandering cycle.

Omnipresence, February 8, 2008 -- God, ruler of the universe and supreme arbiter of the weather, said today He was "deeply sorry" for the many casualties incurred during His attempt to smite Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee with a tornado during Super Tuesday primary election voting earlier this week.

Over 45 people were killed in the Southern states of Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee, and Kentucky when multiple tornadoes touched down with devastating results during the biggest day so far in the Republican and Democratic primary election season.

Armstrong, Texas, February 15, 2007 -- A gay immigrant anti-war activist hunting together with Vice President Dick Cheney reportedly shot and seriously wounded a member of their party earlier this week in what has been termed an "alleged hunting accident".

28-gauge Perazzi shotgun similar to the one used by Mr. Thimbles to shoot Vice President Cheney's friend Harry Whittington