Sacramento, February 6, 2008 -- Republican candidate for president Ron Paul swept the primary elections in several key states on Super Tuesday. The candidate, who despite the support of a fiercely loyal virtual following who, while avid internet users, are generally too young or too anti-government to vote, had been trailing distantly in California and New York polls prior to Super Tuesday.

Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul and his broom.

New York, NY, October 19, 2005 -- Only two months into his controversial recess appointment as U.S. Representative to the United Nations, John R. Bolton is in hot water following fisticuffs at the UN canteen. Bolton's short record at the UN has been a rocky one, beginning on a low point with his official welcome address to the General Assembly, titled "No UN, No Cry", and culminating in yesterday's altercation.

Ottawa, January 24, 2006 -- Canadian voters, weepy and bleary-eyed from a national epidemic of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), voted the previously dark horse Conservatives, led by Stephen Harper, into Parliament yesterday. Voter turnout was a healthy 11.8%, with over 88% of voters reportedly staying home with "apathy, runny noses, or, in most cases, both".

Map of Canada

Washington, D.C., February 2, 2007 -- Microsoft Corp. co-founder Bill Gates, who was appointed by President Bush to replace Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary in November of last year and confirmed by the Senate today, said he will dedicate his new mandate in part "to the ongoing global struggle against unfair competition and open source radicalism".

Secretary of Defense William H. Gates III