Wakaya Island, Fiji, April 22, 2006 -- President Bush unveiled sweeping plans for a new "War on Poverty" at a gala $50,000 per couple Republican fundraiser held this weekend at Fiji's stylish Wakaya Club, one of the world's most exclusive beach resorts.

The goal of the poverty initiative, according to Bush, is "to wipe poverty off the face of America within 10 years", an objective embraced by liberals and conservatives alike.

Mellowvale, NV, June 6, 2066 -- Actor and Director Mel Gibson, who has impressed with world for decades with his longevity and increasingly dogmatic film productions, was revealed in a surprise announcement by the Underworld Ethics Committee to have formed an illegal pact with Satan. The UEC reports the pact may have been in place for nearly a century.

April 19, 2078

Eastern

Coastal areas of the United States should expect several small hurricanes running from Maine as far south as New Jersey. Winds to be averaging 60-80 mph, with peaks in the low hundreds. Temperature in the mid 90s.

Central

A low-pressure system over Indiana and Illinois will likely result in some unseasonable blizzards. Residents of southeastern Iowa are recommended to remain indoors during the late afternoon, due to the risk of high-speed hailstorms.

Wenatchee, Washington, June 29, 2013 -- A technological breakthrough developed by the Wenatchee, Washington-based startup group Cownetics United Development, Inc. (Nasdaq: CUD) promises to significantly ameliorate the nation's ongoing energy crisis with virtually no negative environmental consequences.

Caninetic and Cownetic turbine units