The Hottest Trend in Fashion: Celebrity Organs
Los Angeles, CA, June 24, 2006 -- What do Paris Hilton, Jessica Simpson, Angelina Jolie, Janet Jackson, Danica Patrick, Carrie Underwood, Anna Kournikova, Indy 500 star Michael Andretti, Bo Bice, Miss Universe and Kelly Ripa have in common? They've all signed on with designer Juliano Monteverde to launch a new line of Celebrity Signature Organs. For the first time ever, lucky dialysis patients will have the chance to sport a kidney signed by Kournikova, or a transplanted retina endorsed by Underwood. But the cost of celebrity organ fashion is steep, and the process not for the faint of heart.
U.S. Army Secret Genetic Enlistment Program Offsets Low Recruitment Levels
Washington, D.C., March 19, 2007 -- Investigators poking the exposed underbelly of the otherwise heavily armored U.S. Department of Defense have uncovered a secret program that some have characterized a Machiavellian conspiracy, others a "collaboration of innovators", to boost future Army recruitment levels through genetic testing of embryos.
Army spokesman Rusty P. Grunt acknowledged the existence of the controversial program, known within the Defense Department as "Project G.I. Gene", but assured reporters there was nothing "ethically reprehensible" about it.
Entire Cast of Survivor Guatemala Killed in Nuclear Bunker-Buster Test Blunder
Guatemala City, Guatemala, December 2, 2005 -- Fans and viewers of the popular CBS reality television show Survivor Guatemala: The Maya Empire were dealt a disappointing blow with the admission by the US Defense Department that it had inadvertently vaporized the entire remaining cast in a nuclear weapons testing blunder yesterday.
A spokesman for CBS said the incident was "regrettable", but added that the network plans to continue the series with a resurrected cast of surviving former Survivors under the name Survivor Guatemala: The Day After.
Xbox 360 Now Bundled With Republican Lawmakers
Redmond, Washington and Washington, D.C., February 26, 2006 -- Microsoft Corporation, makers of the game console Xbox 360, announced today the popular home entertainment device will be sold bundled with a share of a Republican United States congressman or senator as part of a special spring "consumer confidence" marketing initiative.
The standard Xbox 360 handset can be used to direct Republican lawmakers' legislative agendas
Democrats To Launch National Exorcism Campaign
Washington, DC March 12, 2007 -- As Gov. Howard Dean, Chairman of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), and his staff looked through the results from the 2006 midterm elections and compared them to entrance and exit polls it became apparent that something wasn't right with this election. Once again, the Republicans overcame the odds and handed the Democrats a startling defeat in their bid to gain the majority in Congress.
Shoplifting Blamed for Federal Budget Deficit
Washington, D.C., April 16, 2010 -- A report by the Government Accountability Office (GAO) has determined that everyday shoplifting is to blame for the bulk of the federal government's projected $434 billion 2010 budget deficit.
Digg.com Leaps Into Non-Virtual Worlds With Stickable Digg-its
Spokane, June 9, 2007 -- Digg.com, the popular internet-based social bookmarking and news community, has taken a giant leap forward into "non-virtual spaces" with its launch of Stickable Digg-its™. A joint venture with 3M, manufacturer of Post-it Notes™, Stickable Digg-its aim to move Digg.com bookmarking tools, already ubiquitous on the internet, into the mainstream of the physical world.
Stickable Digg-it™ in action
House Committee Members Star Struck at Roger Clemens Hearing
Washington, D.C., February 13, 2008 -- Roger Clemens appeared today to testify before the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform's full committee hearing on "The Mitchell Report: The Illegal Use of Steroids in Major League Baseball, Day 2".
1985 Topps Roger Clemens rookie card in mint condition owned by the nephew of Rep. Elijah Cummings which may or may not increase in value when Roger Clemens is not elected into Cooperstown
Study Finds Viagra May Cause Hubris
Brattleboro, Vermont, April 19, 2007 -- A recent pharmacological study conducted by the American Institute for Studying Things Swallowed (AISTS) has discovered a previously unknown link between Viagra use and hubris. According to the study, frequent users of the performance-enhancing drug may suffer from a potentially self-destructive condition characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-worth, an over-estimation of one's personal capacities, and arrogant, potentially annoying behavior patterns.
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