Movie Review: Al Pacino Shines in "Scalito's Way"
New York, January 22, 2006 -- Al Pacino brings his epic screen presence to another gritty drama with this fall's release of Brian de Palma's Scalito's Way, a bleak and riveting film-noir post-prequel/remake slotted between a recent prequel, After Hours, and the original 1993 film masterpiece, Carlito's Way, both based on the books by Judge Edwin Torres.
Rogue Goose Foils Final Missile Shield Test
Hurricane Harbor, California, October 27, 2008 -- An errant Canada goose has been blamed for the failure of the 25th and final test of George W. Bush's missile shield, a defense department spokesman said today.
A "gimpy goose" such as that held responsible for latest missile shield failure
Man Swallows Bug
Indianapolis, August 29, 2007 -- An Indianapolis resident reportedly sustained serious injuries after swallowing a bug yesterday while riding his bicycle at high speed near the South Grove Golf Course. The victim, Walter Jacobsen, of Wynnedale, Indiana, was rushed to Wishard Memorial Hospital where he was treated for multiple contusions, trauma, and concussion. He is reported to be in stable condition.
Ashton Kutcher to Host Twitter's Reality TV Show
San Francisco, CA, July 13, 2009 -- Yesterday saw the surprising announcement that Twitter has brought Ashton Kutcher onboard to host its upcoming reality TV show. The show, Thy Tweeting Twit, is planned to debut this fall on FOX and will be direct sent from a location yet to be determined somewhere in the county of Warwickshire, England.
To tweet or not to tweet, that is the question
Bermuda Missing; May Have "Drifted Away"
Western Atlantic, April 29, 2024 -- Cartographers at the Trans-Coastal Mappery, based in Newport, Rhode Island, announced that while inspecting satellite photography of the American eastern seaboard Wednesday they discovered the island of Bermuda to be conspicuously absent. Following up on the discovery, the cartography team attempted to telephone a number of businesses and government offices known to be located on the island, but were unable to establish contact.
FEMA Posts New Avian Flu Awareness Pages on Ready.gov
Washington, D.C., December 12, 2005 -- The Federal Emergency Magnifying Agency (FUBAR) has posted a new consumer preparedness section on its Ready.gov "Panic Now Before We're All Dead" site dedicated to improving citizen readiness in the likely event of a near-certain imminent deadly bird flu outbreak. Michael Brown, former FUBAR head and currently sub-assistant layout coordinator for the Ready.gov site, said, "It's a real hit. This site tells you everything you need to know to get ready for an avian flu epidemic. Pandemic. Epidemic? Does anybody know what the difference is?"
President Ron Paul Deported Under Ron Paul's No Amnesty Law
Washington, D.C., March 29, 2009 -- President Ron Paul was deported this morning to his ancestral home of Krakpotka, Ukraine, under the terms of the controversial Ron Paul's No Amnesty, No Welfare for Illegal Aliens Act.
Former President Ron Paul on his return to Dnipropetrovsk Airport, Ukraine
God Contrite About "Collateral Damage" in Huckabee Tornado Smite Attempt
Omnipresence, February 8, 2008 -- God, ruler of the universe and supreme arbiter of the weather, said today He was "deeply sorry" for the many casualties incurred during His attempt to smite Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee with a tornado during Super Tuesday primary election voting earlier this week.
Over 45 people were killed in the Southern states of Mississippi, Arkansas, Tennessee, and Kentucky when multiple tornadoes touched down with devastating results during the biggest day so far in the Republican and Democratic primary election season.
Tastes Like Chicken? Not Possible, Scientists Find
Macon, Georgia, October 11, 2014 -- Scientists at the respected St. Ambrose Poultry Institute of Macon, Georgia have at last dispelled the widely held misperception that virtually every moderately unusual food tastes like chicken by proving that, in point of fact, nothing does.
"We've proven that, contrary to popular belief, it's actually a scientific impossibility for any known commonly consumed dietary substance to resemble the flavor of chicken," said Skinwood Neckle, Research Director at the Institute's Comparative Flavor Analysis section.
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