Motorola Unveils Naomi Campbell Signature Line Assault Cell Phones

Las Vegas, April 7, 2007 -- At the CTIA Wireless 2007 Conference today, telecommunications giant Motorola revealed its latest technological innovation: the Naomi Campbell Signature Edition Assault Cell Phone.

The new cell phone line, according to a spokesman for Motorola, is intended to be "everything to everyone", cutting across demographics and income scales to provide a full-featured, stylish, durable combined wireless communications and personal protection device.

Fox Entertainment Owner Rupert Murdoch to Found Reality College

New York, October 19, 2006 -- Media mogul Rupert Murdoch, who through his vast entertainment conglomerate News Corp. controls reality show and infoganda channel Fox, announced plans yesterday to found a "reality college" to help shore up declining reality TV show ratings. The mission of the college, according to News Corp. spokesman Sam Vapore, will be "to teach dedicated reality television viewers and contestants how to act like real people."

Pam Anderson Out-Pumps Arnold Schwarzenegger in California Governor Race

Sacramento, November 7, 2006 -- Pamela Anderson, the popular former Baywatch star, swimwear model, sex symbol and internet vacation video sensation, has trumped former body-builder and action movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger in the hotly contested race for governor of California.

Governor-elect Pamela AndersonGovernor-elect Pamela Anderson

NSA Secretely Wiretapped Jesus, Discloses Senate Panel

Washington, D.C., August 29, 2006 -- The National Security Agency (NSA) extensively wiretapped and conducted other surveillance activities targeting Jesus of Nazareth over a period of at least four years, a report issued by the Special Senate Investigative Panel into Unlawful Domestic Surveillance Activities disclosed today.

Jesus (artist's impression)Jesus (artist's impression)

47 News Helicopters Collide Filming News Helicopter Collisions

Singleberry, West Virginia, August 22, 2013 -- An estimated 47 news helicopters collided and crashed this morning over a West Virginia highway interchange in what has been described by a zealous news anchor as "an unprecedented aerial pileup caused, no doubt, by over-zealous news anchors". While it remains unknown how many news personnel were killed or wounded in the collisions, due to the fact that those involved depleted virtually the entire local inventory of journalists, eyewitness reports suggest dozens or more may have been hurt.

President Bush Nabbed In Effort to Alter Own Wikipedia Entry

Wikispace, December 19, 2008 -- Outgoing President George W. Bush was caught yesterday attempting to polish his biographical entry on Wikipedia, sources close to the reclusive commander-in-chief admitted. The effort was immediately spotted by members of Wikipedia's large group of volunteer editors, who described President Bush's revisionist online foray as "comically inept".

President Bush attempts to alter own Wikipedia entry: Photograph by anonymous aidePresident Bush attempts to alter own Wikipedia entry: Photograph by anonymous aide

J. Lo., P.L.O. Swap First Initials

Jerusalem, June 22, 2007 -- Widespread pop diva Jennifer Lopez finalized her $87 million licensing agreement with the Palestine Liberation Organization, and the two parties will swap initials on Tuesday.

Electrolux NannoGoat Bleats it Neat While You Count Sheep

Reno, September 22, 2155 -- The festivities were frolicsome, the conversation frivolous, and as the last of the guests slip one by one through the vapor-lock and into their plasma cubes for the bounce home, the hosts sigh at the hurricane-like swath of residue left by the merriment: glass shards, cracker crumbs, innumerable dribblings of hors d'oeuvres. But do they don decontaminant apparel and reach for broom and dustpan?

Individual NannoGoat (shown in front of a half-inch $500 coin)Individual NannoGoat (shown in front of a half-inch $500 coin)

Bush Finds Iraq Exit Strategy in Crawford Dungarees

Washington, D.C., December 22, 2005 -- President Bush startled lawmakers and reporters yesterday by announcing that he had found his Iraq exit strategy in the back pocket of a pair of dungarees the president normally uses while working off steam by clearing brush on his Crawford, Texas estate.

Bush's Iraq Exit StrategyBush's Iraq Exit Strategy

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