In Surprise About-Face, Bill Clinton Backs Obama

Chicago, February 5, 2008 -- Astounding political pundits from Anchorage to Miami, former president Bill Clinton has rescinded his endorsement of spouse Hillary Clinton in favor of rock star Senator Barack Obama.

The endorsement, which some believe may create friction in the suburban Chappaqua home of Bill and Hillary Clinton, was explained by the former president as "a case of conscience over comfort."

Eternal Cruises Offers Unique Burial Alternative

Tampa, FL, June 30, 2008 -- The small and solemn multitude is clad in traditional blacks and grays, the voices muted, the music played at low volume and in a minor key. But two key factors set this familiar scene apart: enlivening each mourner's respectfully dreary attire is a brightly colored ring of tropical flowers; and the service is taking place on a wharf overlooked by the imposing bulk of one of the world's largest container ships, the 314-meter goliath Thanatos.

Paris Hilton Video Network to Launch Friday

Los Angeles, April 2, 2006 -- Paris Hilton, the well-known heiress and underground internet sensation, announced her new Paris Hilton Video Network will be officially launched Friday. The network will initially be available to an estimated 120 million cable television and satellite subscribers in the United States and Canada.

Ms. Hilton said the network will offer "an eclectic mix of cultural analysis, philosophical and political debate and scientific discovery coupled with an engaging mélange of traditional entertainments including movies, game shows, and situation comedies."

Bush and Cheney Issue "Reasons to be Cheerful" Iraq Checklist

Washington, D.C., January 6, 2006 -- Presidents George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney released today a fact-filled "Reasons to be Cheerful" Iraq Checklist in response to growing national dissatisfaction with and debate regarding the preemptive war that many believe was based on false pretenses and intentionally misleading information from the Bush Administration.

Serge May Not Be the Final Answer for Iraq, Bush Admits

Washington, D.C., April 11, 2007 -- Three months following his high-profile announcement of new serge for American soldiers in the ongoing war in Iraq, President Bush has now implicitly admitted the inadequacy of the policy by calling for additional fabric shipments to the troubled region.

Portion of the January, 2007 Iraqi SergePortion of the January, 2007 Iraqi Serge

GOP Moves to Add Nine Months to Official Age of Americans

Washington, D.C., August 22, 2008 -- A powerful anti-abortion phalanx of the Republican congressional majority has launched an initiative toward redefining age based on the group's fundamental "life begins at conception" premise. The initiative, if passed, will have the effect of adding approximately nine months to the official age of every American.

Peter Jackson's King Kong II - Movie Review

Hollywood, CA December 12, 2006 -- From the opening scene in which King Kong breaks free from his underground cell in Area 51 to the closing scene when the 2008 Presidential election results are announced, Peter Jackson’s King Kong II: Mad Monkey Mayhem keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Electricity Found to Cause Massive Brain Cell Loss

Tulsa, Oklahoma, July 19, 2014 -- A sweeping two-part study of the effects of electricity on the human body has concluded that short- or long-term exposure to the phenomena may be responsible for the untimely demise of millions of brain cells.

A brainA brain

The study also brings scientists to the disturbing conclusion, described by coordinators as "shocking", that most humans are unwilling to alter their behavior to prevent damage to their primary brain functions, even when made aware of the causes of that damage

Ostrich Charged With Multiple Ostricides

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Mali, September 22, 2015 -- A local ostrich, Zzirrk Struthio II, has been charged with multiple ostricides following a grisly chance discovery in the two-toed, long-necked ratite's backyard. Mr. Struthio was taken into custody and is being held at the Municipal Pen on a bond of 100,000 grubs pending trial.

Two of Mr. Struthio's victimsTwo of Mr. Struthio's victims

"It was probably the most gruesome thing I've ever stumbled across," Krrbll Trrtt, a young ostrich who lives next door to Mr. Struthio with his parents, said.

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