Mexican Peace Wall to Stem Rising Tide of U.S. Illegals
Mexico City, August 27, 2039 -- "Good fences make good neighbors," intoned Mexican President Jorge Monclova as he dug the first ceremonial spadeful of sand to mark the commencement of the construction of Mexico's new, massive border tightening effort, dubbed the Peace Wall. The immense barrier, a sixty-foot high structure that will stretch the entire 1,920 mile length of Mexico's border with the United States, is designed to curb a rising groundswell of illegal immigration from the country's less affluent northern neighbor.
India and Pakistan Agree to Share Kashmir in Joint Custody Arrangement
Srinagar, Kashmir, May 29, 2011 -- High-level diplomatic representatives of India and Pakistan announced today the successful conclusion of a dramatic final round of talks over the fate of the disputed Kashmir region. Kashmir, over which India and Pakistan each claim varying degrees of sovereignty, will under the terms of the new agreement be shared equally between the countries in a joint custody arrangement.
Pat Robertson Vaporized By Asteroid Apophis
Lexington, Virginia, April 13, 2029 -- Pat Robertson, the aging former televangelist and radical Christian conservative, was struck and killed today by the widely-feared Apophis asteroid in a freak accident veteran observers are terming "an act of God".
God's Green Acres nursing home, Lexington, Virginia (after Apophis asteroid impact)
Wal-Mart Goes Green: The New Wal-Mart Employee Emissions Reduction Program
Bentonville, Arkansas, March 22, 2089 -- International low-budget retail conglomerate Wal-Mart said today it has joined the ranks of environmentally-friendly businesses with the announcement of WMEERP!, the Wal-Mart Employee Emissions Reduction Program.
Wal-Mart Methane Sealant
Stocks Tumble on Self-fulfilling Prophecy Fears
New York, March 12, 2008 -- Worldwide stock markets fell sharply today on fears investors may react negatively to widespread nervousness regarding the potential for a downward market trend. The steep drop during morning trading led to a broad tumble across all major sectors, with panicky investors interpreting the fall as an indication of a setback in investor confidence.
Super Bowl XLIII to Feature Real-time Biometric Player Data
Burbank, California, January 30, 2009 -- For the first time in Super Bowl history, Sunday's Super Bowl XLIII will feature a remarkable collection of live, real-time data on virtually every aspect of each player's physical and mental state –- while they're on the field.
This technological marvel, which will be premiered during Super Bowl XLIII, February 1, 2009 on NBC, is expected to, in the words of NBC spokesman Greg Polanski, "completely revolutionize the way viewers experience sports television."
Movie Review: Al Pacino Shines in "Scalito's Way"
New York, January 22, 2006 -- Al Pacino brings his epic screen presence to another gritty drama with this fall's release of Brian de Palma's Scalito's Way, a bleak and riveting film-noir post-prequel/remake slotted between a recent prequel, After Hours, and the original 1993 film masterpiece, Carlito's Way, both based on the books by Judge Edwin Torres.
God Rebukes Bush for Presumption of Blessing
Earth, January 22, 2007 -- Speaking in a worldwide multimedia simulcast, God, Creator of the Universe, yesterday rebuked U.S. President George W. Bush for repeatedly using the phrase "May God continue to bless America" in speeches.
President George W. Bush: slightly shorter, slightly fatter following divine intervention
God, Whose voice was controlled but Whose tone was at times testy, warned that He has been punishing and will continue to punish Bush for the conceit inherent in the phrase.
Rogue Goose Foils Final Missile Shield Test
Hurricane Harbor, California, October 27, 2008 -- An errant Canada goose has been blamed for the failure of the 25th and final test of George W. Bush's missile shield, a defense department spokesman said today.
A "gimpy goose" such as that held responsible for latest missile shield failure
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