Eternal Cruises Offers Unique Burial Alternative
Tampa, FL, June 30, 2008 -- The small and solemn multitude is clad in traditional blacks and grays, the voices muted, the music played at low volume and in a minor key. But two key factors set this familiar scene apart: enlivening each mourner's respectfully dreary attire is a brightly colored ring of tropical flowers; and the service is taking place on a wharf overlooked by the imposing bulk of one of the world's largest container ships, the 314-meter goliath Thanatos.
Anna Nicole Smith Allegedly Marries, Eats Nine Elderly Billionaires
Malibu, February 4, 2011 -- Anna Nicole Smith, the former exotic dancer, Playboy model, weight-loss product spokesperson and failed "reality show" star whose legal struggle to secure a large portion of the estate of her late billionaire husband of nearly nine weeks went as far as the United States Supreme Court before being thrown out in a hail of hysterical spittle, is making headlines again this month in a controversial incident that some observers suggest may have legal implications. Ms.
Fox Network Reality Show Lineup Reaches Critical Mass, Causing Massive Explosion
Los Angeles, August 22, 2006 -- Several buildings were damaged when a huge explosion rocked the Fox Entertainment pap-production compound in Los Angeles yesterday. A preliminary analysis of the debris by the Los Angeles County Explosive Ordnance Unit determined that the explosion was not caused by a terrorist act, as was first feared, but was rather triggered by the inadvertent attainment of "reality show critical mass" by the studio.
Top Christmas Gift Gadgets 2005-2105: A Retrospective
Lohrngollivo, December 15, 2105 -- The Avant News team has spent literally minutes poring over our voluminous archival records to bring you a snapshot of some of the most popular gadgets purchased, wrapped, gift-carded and inflicted on loved ones as Christmas and holiday presents over the past 100 years. Following are what we, based on our extensive research, have selected as a few of the top gadget gifts of the century:
Pentagon Beefs Up Iraq Troop Humvee Security With Baby on Board Stickers
Washington, D.C., November 19, 2006 -- Pentagon spokesman Bryan Whitman announced today the US Defense Department will begin an immediate security upgrade process for soldiers stationed in Iraq by equipping unarmored and up-armored HMMWV vehicles (Humvees) with heavy-duty "Baby on Board" stickers.
Baby on Board Security Enhancer-equipped Humvee
Effort Underway to Improve Short Attention Spans of Americans
Washington, D.C., January 19, 2007 -- A federally-funded effort to counteract what some medical professionals have termed the "epidemic-level shortness in the attention spans of American citizens" has been launched with the backing of the Congressional Task Force for Making People Pay Attention.
Paris Hilton (interior)
Fossilized Feces of Jesus Wreaks Havoc
Holy See, August 29, 2020 -- The recent discovery of a fossilized lump of human feces believed to have once emerged from the body of Jesus Christ, Son of God, has swept a whirlpool of excitement and controversy throughout the altars of the religious world.
Cave in which fossilized fecal matter of Jesus was discovered
Defense Secretary Gates Plans Major Offensive on Apple, Linux, Google
Washington, D.C., February 2, 2007 -- Microsoft Corp. co-founder Bill Gates, who was appointed by President Bush to replace Donald Rumsfeld as Defense Secretary in November of last year and confirmed by the Senate today, said he will dedicate his new mandate in part "to the ongoing global struggle against unfair competition and open source radicalism".
Secretary of Defense William H. Gates III
George W. Bush to Replace Will Shortz as NYT Crossword Puzzle Editor
New York and Washington, D.C., January 3, 2009 -- In a development that has surprised political pundits and puzzle enthusiasts alike, The New York Times announced today that President George W. Bush will be replacing retiring puzzle-master Will Shortz as the crossword puzzle editor for The New York Times.
Will Shortz, who has edited the famous New York Times crossword puzzle page since 1993, announced several months ago that he is "bored unto death with squares and letters. Across, down, X, Y, Z… who the hell cares?"
Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.
