President Clinton Jails 938,000 Illegal Enemy Combatants
Washington, D.C., February 2, 2009 -- A mere two weeks into her tenure, President Hillary Rodham Clinton has announced a sweeping roundup of illegal enemy combatants, the first step in a comprehensive program designed to protect the American people from potential terrorist activities.
In accordance with the Military Commissions Act of 2006, the nearly one million detainees will be held indefinitely without trial or recourse to legal counsel until such time as the President determines they no longer pose a threat to the United States and its allies.
Lipodiesels Shine at 2010 LA Auto Show
Los Angeles, November 29, 2010 -- The wraps are off at the 2010 LA Auto Show, and this year the neologism on everyone's lips is the hottest hybrid concept of the millennium: the Ford Lipodiesels™. Three new Ford models featuring the innovative energy-saving technology are scheduled for unveiling in the coming days, and the excitement is palpable.
Ham Sandwich Inc. To Acquire IBM
Brockton, MA, March 3, 2011 -- Ham Sandwich Inc. announced today that it has signed a letter of intent to acquire all outstanding shares of common stock of International Business Machines Corp. (IBM) for $63 per share. The offer will be up for vote at a special meeting of shareholders scheduled for April 7, 2011. Should the tender be approved, the purchase will be the fifth major acquisition by Ham Sandwich this year, making it the 19th largest corporation in the world.
Creationist Paleontologists Discover Dinosaur Saddle
Mud Flaps, Arizona, March 29, 2006 -- A team of creationist paleontologists from the Discovery Institute's main field research arm announced today that they had discovered the remains of a large manmade object confirmed to be an ancient dinosaur saddle.
Dinosaur saddle discovered by Discovery Institute paleontological expedition near Mud Flaps, Arizona
Taliban Strengthen Grip on People's Republic of South Dakota
South Dakota-Nebraska Border Region, July 19, 2011 -- According to a classified report leaked by the Department of Homeland Insecurity, elements of the radical fundamentalist Taliban are reported to have gained significant ground in the rocky and windswept hillsides of the breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota.
Breakaway Democratic People's Republic of South Dakota
Bob Logger's Blogging Blog
Pleasant Hills, CA June 23, 2008 -- Bob Logger is a blogger, but not your typical blogger. Bob blogs on his blog about blogs and better blogging. Whilst many bloggers blog about blogs, Bob Logger's blog, The Bob Logger Blog is a blog that blogs other blogs that blog blogs as well as blogs examples of better blogging techniques - a sort of pedagogue blog.
Bush Accuses Democrats of Also Lacking Plan for Iraq
Buttemonch, Oklahoma, October 9, 2008 -- Outgoing President George W. Bush yesterday repeatedly accused Democratic candidates of also having no plan for how to get out of Iraq.
President Bush touts his No Plan Plan in support of 2008 GOP candidates
The heated assertions came during campaign appearances by President Bush in support of presidential, congressional and senatorial candidates for the upcoming 2008 elections.
California Scientists Map God Genome
Davis, CA, July 22, 2010 -- Researchers at California's UC Davis announced today the successful completion of a three-year, highly secretive project to map God's genetic code. Originally commissioned by filmmaker James Cameron, who supplied the research team with holy genetic material on which to perform the study, the results of the God Genome project are expected to profoundly influence human conceptions of divinity and origin.
Sheep: 3.1% closer to God
Al-Qaeda Hires Blackwater
Moyock, North Carolina, July 8, 2008 -- While the United States continues to wage its war on terror in locations where terrorists are not originally present, Al-Qaeda (also known as: al-Qaida or al-Qa'ida or al-Qa'idah or al-¿Que?duh) has been stretched to its limits sending terrorists and trainers to assist locals fighting the Americans.
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