Study Finds Less to be Less, Not More, Than More
Sioux City, Iowa – March 29, 2019 – A three-year study performed by the respected Group for the Logical Reassessment of Paradoxical Phraseology (GLIBB) in Sioux City, Iowa has revealed that less is in fact less, rather than more, than more.
Van Gogh self-portrait: "lessened" version
The determination is expected to have a wide-reaching impact on the manufacture and distribution of homely aphorisms throughout the American Midwest, a $3 billion a year industry.
FEMA Posts New Avian Flu Awareness Pages on Ready.gov
Washington, D.C., December 12, 2005 -- The Federal Emergency Magnifying Agency (FUBAR) has posted a new consumer preparedness section on its Ready.gov "Panic Now Before We're All Dead" site dedicated to improving citizen readiness in the likely event of a near-certain imminent deadly bird flu outbreak. Michael Brown, former FUBAR head and currently sub-assistant layout coordinator for the Ready.gov site, said, "It's a real hit. This site tells you everything you need to know to get ready for an avian flu epidemic. Pandemic. Epidemic? Does anybody know what the difference is?"
China First With Citizen RFID Implants
Beijing, March 19, 2010 -- A press release issued by the Chinese government today announced the countrywide implementation of a new high-tech tracking initiative designed to "increase security and prosperity for all citizens of the People's Republic of China." The plan, detailed by Zhou Bo Kai, chief executive of China's Ministry of Public Security, will involve the implantation of long-range, high-frequency RFID devices in every one of China's estimated 1.4 billion citizens over the next 18 months.
DeLay, Rove, Safavian, Abramoff and Frist Showcase Prison Tats
Gainesville, Texas, November 11, 2014 -- While the runway mince was lunky and the torsos pale and portly, there was much to be savored last night at the season's gala Prison Tattoo premiere, held before a star-studded audience at the stylish Gainesville Federal License Plate Manufacturing Facility Grande Ballroom.
Karl Rove prison tattoos, detail (chest, belly)
Checkout Clerk Adds Apples and Oranges, Earth Wobbles
Madison, WI September 14, 2014 -- Last week’s cataclysmic, global seismic event that resulted in countless deaths across the globe and property losses estimated to be in the trillions of dollars appears to have been caused by an unassuming checkout clerk in Madison, Wisconsin.
Confused President Bush Nabs Reggie Bush's Heisman Trophy
New York, December 10, 2005 -- An apparently confused and disoriented President George W. Bush appeared unexpectedly at Manhattan's Nokia Theatre in Times Square today to accept the Downtown Athletic Club's prestigious Heisman Trophy, the highest honor awarded annually in college football.
The president's crashing of the ceremony severely disrupted proceedings and cast some doubt as to whether the award will in fact be awarded to its actual intended recipient, USC running back Reggie Bush, who has long been considered a favorite to clinch the trophy.
Bush Backs Investment Banker Bonus Bailout In Wake of Subprime Crisis
New York, December 7, 2007 -- President George W. Bush called today for Congress to address a "growing crisis in investment banker bonuses" in the wake of the subprime mortgage disaster.
President Bush speaking at AAWP annual Christmas dinner
Kobe Bryant Clones Debut in 100% Kobe Bryant- Derived LA Kobe Bryants
Los Angeles, November 3, 2023 -- Cloned progeny of legendary basketball superstar Kobe Bryant will at last be making their NBA debut this Sunday as the newly-launched LA Kobe Bryants meet local rival the LA Chamberlains at Staples Arena in Los Angeles.
LA Kobe Bryants, Team Photo
Study Finds Human Brain Capable of Finite Number of Thoughts
St. Paul, Minnesota, July 22, 2017 -- A groundbreaking study performed by the St. Paul, Minnesota-based Institute for Cranial Spelunking has determined that human brains are capable of generating only a finite number of thoughts before becoming "utterly expended or depleted".
Human brain - planned obsolescence
The ICS study is expected to have profound implications on many aspects of human endeavour that involve thinking, pondering, mulling, or cogitation.
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