Innovative Weight Loss Book No Page-Turner

New York, September 9, 2010 -- With a diverse range of radically similar weight loss programs topping the bestseller charts this publishing season, finding a winner can be as hard as squeezing the creamy filling from an éclair while driving. Two titles, however, stand out from the pulpy mass: the innovative debut diet offering by Rod Sharpely, "40 lb.", and Augustus Phloughlop's popular "Eat Shit and Die", sequel to the 49-week number one bestseller of last year, "Drive to Your Car".

Study Finds Viagra May Cause Hubris

Brattleboro, Vermont, April 19, 2007 -- A recent pharmacological study conducted by the American Institute for Studying Things Swallowed (AISTS) has discovered a previously unknown link between Viagra use and hubris. According to the study, frequent users of the performance-enhancing drug may suffer from a potentially self-destructive condition characterized by an exaggerated sense of self-worth, an over-estimation of one's personal capacities, and arrogant, potentially annoying behavior patterns.

Harriet Miers Supreme Court Confirmation Hearings: Transcript

Washington, D.C., November 16, 2005 -- Following is the complete transcript of the Harriet Miers confirmations hearings held by the Senate Judiciary Committee November 7-15, 2005. Following the confirmation hearings a decision will be made by the Committee regarding whether or not to recommend Harriet Miers, a born-again former Texas lottery supervisor, to the full Senate for confirmation as Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court.

The complete transcript follows:

Transcript begins -----

Ford, GM to Acquire Each Other

Detroit, August 19, 2009 -- Automotive giants Ford Motor Company (F) and General Motors (GM) galvanized American stock markets early this afternoon with nearly simultaneous hostile bids to acquire each other.

Ford was out first, issuing a bid to buy all outstanding shares of GM for $40 a share, a 30% premium on Friday's closing price. Mere seconds later, GM announced a bid to acquire Ford for $9 a share, a 35% premium. Shares in both industrial giants skyrocketed during the subsequent buying frenzy.

Citigroup, Bank of America Announce ATM Instant Equity Exchange Program

New York, April 6, 2009 -- Citigroup (NYSE: C) and Bank of America (NYSE: BAC) today jointly announced the launch of an innovative program, dubbed ATM Instant Equity Exchange, under which the two banks will commence dispensing stock vouchers rather than cash from ATMs under their control. Wells Fargo (NYSE: WFC) is expected to sign on to the program later in the week.

Citibank, co-founder of the AIEE! program: Photo (CC) Ed Yourdon.Citibank, co-founder of the AIEE! program: Photo (CC) Ed Yourdon.

President Bush Pardons Lewis "Scooter" Libby

Washington, D.C., December 23, 2005 -- Lewis "Scooter" Libby was pardoned today in a surprise announcement by President George W. Bush. Libby, who had been indicted on five felony counts for perjury, false statements and obstruction of justice, and one misdemeanor charge involving an altercation with two lesbian cheerleaders, said "Yeah. Like I didn't see that one coming."

Additional Abu Ghraib Images Surface

Washington, DC, November 2, 2006 -- Just days before the U.S. midterm elections, previously unpublished images of abuse of Iraqi prisoners inside the U.S.-run Abu Ghraib prison near Baghdad have surfaced. This represents the fourth time this year that Abu Ghraib torture images have been published and the timing could not have been worse for an already crippled Bush administration hoping to maintain what little hold they currently have on Congress.

GOP To Issue Targeted Ballots To Illegal Immigrants For Mid-Term Elections

Washington, D.C., October 5, 2006 -- Republican national committee chairman Ken Mehlman announced today that a special form of ballot will be issued to illegal immigrants across the United States in time for use in this November's pivotal mid-term elections.

The ballots, dubbed "Provisional Targeted Ballots" by the GOP, will allow illegal immigrants to actively participate in the "great and noble experiment that is American democracy", according to Mr. Mehlman, before being deported back to their homelands in boxcars by members of the Republican Guard (Immigrant Deportation Division).

Halliburton Subsidiary to Build North Korea's First Light-Water Reactor

Pyongyang, North Korea, November 5, 2006 -- A jubilant U.S. State Department announced today that the Halliburton subsidiary of Buhn & Dogale, a small ceramic figurine manufacturing firm located in the Cayman Islands, has been granted a coveted $3.2 billion no-bid contract to construct North Korea's first light-water nuclear reactor.

State Department spokesman Sean McCormack said key officials associated with the contract award, an important component of the recently signed North Korean Now You See Them Now You Don't Strategic Nuclear Arms Limitation Treaty, were "elated".

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