White House Identified as Source of Massive Issue Spam
Washington, D.C., September 22, 2006 -- Investigators with the FCC announced today they have conclusively determined the White House to be the source of the chatty pro-Bush and pro-Republican "issue emails" that clogged an estimated 164 million American email inboxes last week.
While the rules regarding unsolicited political email are even fuzzier than those detailed in the CAN-SPAM Act regulating commercial email, a spokesman for the FCC did not rule out the possibility that criminal charges would be pursued.
President Bush Commences Hunger Strike for Improved Poll Numbers
Washington, D.C., September 9, 2006 -- During an impromptu press availability in the White House Rose Garden today, President Bush announced he will, effective immediately, commence a hunger strike in pursuit of improved popularity ratings.
Marshmallow Fluff, a key ingredient in President Bush's favorite "Fluffergutter" sandwich, sacrificed for better poll numbers
Bill Gates Relaunches Self As XML-RPC Web Services Collection
Redmond, Washington, August 12, 2010 -- Bill Gates, citing "frustration with the inefficiency of organic processes", has relaunched himself as an XML-RPC based Web Services collection.
Bill Gates (decoded, virtual cross-section)
Bush Accuses Democrats of Also Lacking Plan for Iraq
Buttemonch, Oklahoma, October 9, 2008 -- Outgoing President George W. Bush yesterday repeatedly accused Democratic candidates of also having no plan for how to get out of Iraq.
President Bush touts his No Plan Plan in support of 2008 GOP candidates
The heated assertions came during campaign appearances by President Bush in support of presidential, congressional and senatorial candidates for the upcoming 2008 elections.
Chronic Armpit Rash Source of George W. Bush Swagger
Crawford, Texas, June 22, 2059 -- The signature swagger of the late US President George W. Bush (2001-2009) was the result of a persistent armpit rash, newly discovered archival material shows.
Underarm irritation source of late president George W. Bush's peculiar walking posture
New DreamTV Keeps Viewers Tuned In While They Sleep
Philadelphia, June 16, 2018 -- ToshibaSonyMagnavoxivision (TSM) yesterday announced the launch of their new, updated Dream TV Sleep Entertainment System, the DreamTV rEM99. A spokesman for TSM said, "We're absolutely delighted with the opportunities offered by the updated system, and are positive that consumers worldwide will be astonished with the ease and versatility with which it fulfils all of their sleep entertainment needs."
Limbo Eliminated; Status of Purgatory in 'State of Limbo'
Rome, Italy February 12, 2006 -- The new catechism of Roman Catholic doctrine that did away with Limbo and was approved by Pope Benedict XVI in the middle of December 2005 threw the state of Limbo into a state of chaos. This catechism changing the eternal residence for those souls included in both the Limbo of the Fathers (limbus partum) and Limbo of Children (limbus infantium) by moving them straight to Heaven has left many souls wondering what happened and why.
President Bush 'Ownz' on Runescape
Washington, January 14, 2007 -- Prior to the November 7 midterm elections, many political analysts wondered how President Bush would handle the last two years of his presidency if the Democrats seized control of the Congress. Nearly all agreed it would be a lonely time for a President accustomed to being surrounded by friends in Congress. None of the analyst's observations included the possibility that President Bush would retreat from the world stage to the world of online gaming.
Whirlpool Stocks Soar on Back of Macrowave Non-Oven
Washington, DC January 17, 2011 -- Whirlpool (WHR: NYSE) stocks surged fifteen percent today on the release of their latest “must have consumer appliance,” the Macrowave Non-Oven™. The Whirlpool Corporation, marketers of Whirlpool, KitchenAid, Brastemp, Bauknecht, Consul and other major brand names, has seen its marketshare decline in recent years and has put all it can into this appliance that can be used to quickly chill foods and beverages.
“The Macrowave will do to refrigeration what the microwave did to cooking” said Whirlpool CEO Edmund Silver in a press conference today.
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