Wingding Institute Awarded Nobel Peace Prize
Oslo, Norway October 10, 2011 -- The Norwegian Nobel Committee shocked the world yesterday when it announced that the controversial Wingding Institute had won the 2011 Nobel Peace Prize beating out such favorites as the United Nations, World Bank and the International Institute for Democracy and Electoral Assistance (IDEA).
The Wingding Institute, known in political circles as the %^($@^($ ^(#$^#!, was created in early 1991 by Mr. Ewing Dingle to promote the universal usage of the Wingding font. Wingdings have a number of faithful adherents, referred to as "dingbats". Over the years, notable dingbats have sought to mainstream the oft misunderstood character font.
Famous moments include many of the tirades from that dingbat Sarge when he caught Beetle Bailey napping instead of working. Also of note was the time in 2005 in the hours following the landfall of hurricane Katrina when the dingbat former director of FEMA, Michael Brown, wrote his emergency relief plan for New Orleans on a napkin in Wingding.
The pinnacle moment for all dingbats, however, was in 2007 when then President George W. Bush, a preeminent dingbat, gave his 2007 State of the Union Address in Wingding. Since that moment and following through to the current administration of U.S. President Bill Frist, a dingbat in his own right, Congress has been busily overhauling the American educational system for the last four years in an attempt to turn all Americans into dingbats like their leaders.
The success of this paradigmatic societal shift toward increased confusion and decreased communication among and by Americans resulted in a new balance of power in the world with the European Union and China now considered the two primary superpowers charged with filling the vacuum left as the United States quickly sank into obscurity and confusion.
The disappearance of the U.S. from the world's political stage, which has resulted in a much improved global political climate, appears to be the primary reason why the Wingding Institute was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. Stig Armundsøn of the Norwegian Nobel Institute said during his announcement of the award that, "Through its strong support of this noble set of simple characters and images, the Wingding Institute has single-handedly managed to peacefully remove the largest obstacle to world peace without bloodshed nor loss of life. For this the world must be thankful."
Wingdings and the Wingding Institute have not been without their share of controversy over the years. In 1993, shortly after the release of Windows 3.1, it was discovered that "NYC" in Wingdings was rendered as a skull and crossbones symbol, Star of David, and thumbs up gesture. Some interpreted this as a message of approval of killing Jews, especially those from New York City, while others thought it meant that Jewish pirates were cool.
In another incident that directly followed the September 11 terrorist attacks in 2001 it was discovered that if "Q33NY" is typed in Wingdings, the Q becomes an airplane, the threes become lined documents (resembling skyscrapers), the N becomes a skull and crossbones, and the Y becomes the Star of David. Many people initially thought this demonstrated a prior knowledge by Microsoft of the impending attack by Al-Q'aida, however, the "Q33" character sequence never made any sense and Microsoft was not blamed by the 9/11 Commission for any involvement in aiding the terrorists.
Mr. Ewing Dingle, the Institute's founder, appeared to be in shock during the hastily assembled press conference in his apartment saying, "Holy #(&*!! I can't believe we won that *%#(@&!!"
Later in the day Mr. Dingle was more demure when he said that while the award was a nice recognition of the Institute's work, there was still much work to do.
"Our goal was not to topple the world's only remaining superpower, but we did and now it looks like the future is brighter for all of us," Mr. Dingle said. "We will not rest on our laurels now that we have won the Nobel Peace Prize. We plan to build upon this momentum. Therefore, our next step is to promote the increased usage of Wingdings in international trade accords, ceasefires, border confrontations, environmental protocols, settlement disputes, etc. As we have seen in the U.S., one finds it hard to argue about something if one doesn't know what is being argued about."
By Raoul Thibodeaux, Avant News Staff Writer
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