Lipodiesels Shine at 2010 LA Auto Show
Los Angeles, November 29, 2010 -- The wraps are off at the 2010 LA Auto Show, and this year the neologism on everyone's lips is the hottest hybrid concept of the millennium: the Ford Lipodiesels™. Three new Ford models featuring the innovative energy-saving technology are scheduled for unveiling in the coming days, and the excitement is palpable.
"Of all the snazzy rides and gleaming chrome we'll be seeing in the coming weeks, the Ford Lipodiesels are at the top of my list," Fred Derf, a correspondent with Rack and Pinion, an automotive trade magazine, said. "This technology promises to finally offer Americans the kind of hybrid they can truly feel comfortable with: the kind that accepts and even rewards repugnant levels of excess."
Ford spokesman Peter Ranger briefed journalists on the new Lipodiesel technology during this morning's LA Auto Show press availability:
"Ford's patented Lipodiesel system is a brand new kind of hybrid specifically targeting the morbidly obese American consumer," Mr. Ranger said. "A triple-hybrid drive, Ford Lipodiesels feature diesel-electric hybrid engines that seamlessly shift from one to the other depending on battery and fuel capacity and driving conditions. What makes the Lipodiesel special is the addition of a supplementary fuel source that can, in many circumstances, replace the diesel component altogether: human flab."
According to Mr. Ranger, each Ford Lipodiesel model features Fule-PAL™, a plug-in power-assisted liposuction system. Fule-PAL automatically determines the body mass index of the driver or passengers to administer obese occupants exact dosages of local anesthesia and determine appropriate extraction levels. While driving, excess subcutaneous fat is extracted via an easily attached Ford Cannula at a carefully controlled rate and fed directly to the fuel tank; the patented modified diesel engine regulates the ratio of standard diesel fuel to human fat to provide ever-slimmer drivers with the ultimate driving experience while helping to protect the environment and easing pressure on the wallet.
"It's a perfect synthesis of economy, environmental awareness, and painless cosmetic surgery—something the American consumer has been crying out for," Mr. Ranger said. "One ounce of subcutaneous fat extracted by Fule-PAL can power our subcompact Lipodiesel model—the Ford Lithe—up to 30 miles, highway. For a typical obese American who needs to unload 100 pounds of flab, that translates into 48,000 miles—more than most people drive in a year."
"The best part is that American consumers can continue with the gluttonous lifestyles they so crave—munch fast food five times a day, drink 25 beers with chips and nachos every night, walk no further than it takes to find the channel changer in a week, whatever—and know that the next time they squeeze into their Ford Lipodiesel, they will convert the unsightly results into pure, clean, environmentally friendly transportation. It's win for the consumer, win for the environment, and, of course, a home run for Ford."
The first of the Ford Lipodiesels, the Ford Flabgrabber SUV, will be unveiled on Friday.
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
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