Grover Norquist Drowns in Bathtub

Washington, D.C., June 8, 2025 -- Americans for Tax Reform head Grover Norquist reportedly drowned in his bathtub last Thursday in a freak accident that some witnesses describe as "an unfortunate confluence of mutually destructive events".

Bathtub similar to the one in which Grover Norquist reportedly drowned last weekBathtub similar to the one in which Grover Norquist reportedly drowned last week

Mexican Border Fence Comes Up Short

Mission, Texas, June 19, 2011 -- The Mexican border fence approved by President Bush in October, 2006 is now complete, but accolades for the project are few and far between.

Portion of Mexican border fencePortion of Mexican border fence

The Secure Fence Act, which was touted by Republicans as a major border security initiative in the weeks leading up to the 2006 mid-term elections, is now viewed by many as a fiasco of the first order.

Electric Goldfish Makes Waves In Robotics

Osaka, Japan, August 22, 2007 -- Engineers at Daikyo-Tonabayashi have confirmed the production of the first robot goldfish, years ahead of schedule. Recent developments in nanotechnology and the introduction of the Sentium microchip 80747 have made possible a breakthrough of extraordinary magnitude: a fully operational electronic tropical companion.

Cheney Proves Effectiveness of Torture

Washington, D.C., March 12, 2006 -- Vice President Dick Cheney, a leading advocate of the use of torture in the so-called "war on terror", successfully demonstrated the effectiveness of the technique this month by allowing himself to personally undergo a one-week program of "coerced interrogation", the compassionately conservative term for the practice. During the week, the Vice President proved the value of torture by unwillingly confessing to a wide range of infractions, some of them quite surprising.

Pat Robertson Vaporized By Asteroid Apophis

Lexington, Virginia, April 13, 2029 -- Pat Robertson, the aging former televangelist and radical Christian conservative, was struck and killed today by the widely-feared Apophis asteroid in a freak accident veteran observers are terming "an act of God".

God's Green Acres nursing home, Lexington, Virginia (after Apophis asteroid impact)God's Green Acres nursing home, Lexington, Virginia (after Apophis asteroid impact)

Dick Cheney Awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom

Washington, D.C., August 9, 2006 -- Vice President Dick Cheney has been awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Bush, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan announced today. Cheney thereby joins the ranks of other top-level officials whom Bush has honored with the prestigious award, including former Iraq CPA head L. Paul Bremer, General Tommy Franks, and former CIA director George Tenet. Vice President Cheney issued no public response to the honor and has been unavailable for comment.

Paris Hilton Restoration Completed

Paris, July 12, 2010 -- After many years of neglect and ill use the Paris Hilton is now back in the spotlight once again. The Paris Hilton's management team hopes that the new look and internal enhancements that have been made over the last year will make her something that people will dream about spending the night in once again.

Jacques Baudrillard, the project manager responsible for the Paris Hilton's makeover, said, "We feel confident that that once people see this new Paris Hilton they will say, 'Paris Hilton, now I could have a good time in that,' and then come and stay the night."

GM Reveals the 2011 HUMMER Wee

Los Angeles, November 22, 2009 -- Ailing automaker GM revealed a radical new direction for its troubled HUMMER brand with the launch today of the HUMMER Wee at the 2009 Los Angeles Auto Show.

2011 HUMMER Wee2011 HUMMER Wee

The HUMMER Wee, according to GM spokesman Putney Shiphlick, "provides a winning combination of old-time machismo and trendy modern environmental do-gooderism".

AutoChat Fills the Solo Driver's Cell Phone Void

Singapore, August 29, 2008 -- With worldwide automotive cell phone use becoming a thing of the past due to increasingly stringent safety restrictions, Singapore-based CarMate Industries has announced a new product that aims to fill the resulting void in conversation: AutoChat. AutoChat, according to company spokesman Ni Kwai, is a fully-automated, AI-capable automotive speaking companion mainly targeting solo drivers that can engage in lively and prolonged "real-time" conversations on a wide variety of topics.

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