Talking Points Delivery Mix-up Shakes American Right Wing
Washington, D.C., February 22, 2006 -- A mix-up in the labeling of conservative talking points transmitted by the Bush administration yesterday reportedly led to widespread confusion among the extensive network of radio, television and internet commentators used to disseminate the White House's message.
Iraq Study Group Report Includes $25 Million Reward for Exit Strategy
Washington, D.C., December 11, 2006 -- After nine months of intensive deliberations, the bipartisan Iraq Study Group has finally released its long-awaited Iraq Study Group Report in which the prestigious think tank concludes: "The Iraq Study Group will offer $25 million to anyone who can come up with a viable solution to the Iraq quagmire because, frankly, we're stumped".
ISG co-chairs James A. Baker III and Lee H. Hamilton
President George W. Bush is said to be "real happy" about the findings.
World Leader, Inc. World Leader at World Leading
January 1, 2522 -- //PRPressReleaseV22.2// -- World Leader, Inc. [NYSE:WLI], a world leader at world leading, announced today that for the third consecutive year it continues to lead the world at leading the world at world leading. The announcement was made at a press availability prior to the annual World Leader World Leader awards, presented annually by World Leader, Inc.
Nostalgic Bush Says FY09 Budget "Last Chance to Shaft the Poor"
Washington, D.C., February 12, 2008 -- An unusually somber and introspective President George W. Bush, presenting the details of his $3.1 trillion fiscal year 2009 budget proposal for members of the American Plutocrats Union, a conservative group, lamented that the budget proposal represents his “last chance to shaft the poor.” He urged the assembled audience to do “everything in their powers” to convince their elected representatives that the budget proposal represented an historic opportunity that may not return for a decade or more.
White House Identified as Source of Massive Issue Spam
Washington, D.C., September 22, 2006 -- Investigators with the FCC announced today they have conclusively determined the White House to be the source of the chatty pro-Bush and pro-Republican "issue emails" that clogged an estimated 164 million American email inboxes last week.
While the rules regarding unsolicited political email are even fuzzier than those detailed in the CAN-SPAM Act regulating commercial email, a spokesman for the FCC did not rule out the possibility that criminal charges would be pursued.
Former President George W. Bush Credited With Saddam Hussein Acquittal
Baghdad, Iraq, April 22, 2010 -- Yesterday's surprising acquittal of deposed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein on all counts has been linked to policies and procedures developed and used by former president George W. Bush, Lionel Thrush, a legal analyst with the Legal Analysis Institute for Legal Analysis, said today.
Deposed dictator Saddam Hussein thanking former president George W. Bush for inadvertently orchestrating his acquittal
Turns Out God Doesn't Particularly Care About Humans
Munich, November 2, 2019 -- The re-examination of a previously explored RNA genome code found on a rhinovirus, one of the class of viruses that cause the common cold, has revealed the surprising discovery that God is apparently not particularly interested in human beings at all, despite widespread belief to the contrary.
Human rhinovirus containing coded messages from God
World's Oldest Person Not Yet Dead
Barkhaven, Missouri, November 7, 2018 -- The world's oldest person, Eleanor Micklebuckle, 129, of Elkhart, Illinois, confirmed that she was "not yet dead" when reached at her home today via telegram.
Ms. Micklebuckle, a retired plutonium finisher who credits "rubdowns, barley and electricity" for her exceptional longevity, said, "I still have a lot of appreciation for the many good things in life, even though I can't hear, see or smell them too good anymore. Thanks for checking in."
Olympic Committee Says "Bring On The Drugs"
Singapore, August 29, 2011 -- Lorene Konigsburg, press spokesperson for the International Olympic Committee, announced today a significant change in IOC policy regarding "doping", the use of performance-enhancing drugs by athletes. Beginning with the 2012 Summer Olympics in London, there will no longer be any restrictions on the use of such drugs.
The policy shift, inspired in part by the increasing difficulty in detecting incidents of doping, is intended to help restore equality and a sense of excitement and competition to the games.
Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.
