New York, January 30, 2008 -- In a surprise move that has left market analysts worldwide scratching their heads, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke raised, rather than lowered, the discount and fed funds rates by an unprecedented 1.25% this afternoon.

Fed Chief Ben Bernanke

Bentrix, Utah, June 29, 2072 -- The Consumer Product Safety Commission (Conprosafe) has ordered a recall of over 342,000 Econo-Spleen brand artificial spleens following a new surge in spleen-related deaths. The recall affects all Bentrix spleens manufactured and installed prior to April, 2069. Users of recently implanted Econo-Spleens are urged to immediately contact their local splenectomy center for identification and replacement. K. Uiloi Forfor 9b, Vice-Attaché for Lesser Organs at Bentrix, downplayed the recall as "trivial dissociative panic".

Macon, Georgia, September 22, 2010 -- A recent survey performed by the Online Job-Seekers Bureau found that increasingly stringent rules for potential job applicants now frequently include such measures as requiring that liver biopsies, brain samples, and loyalty oaths be submitted along with a resume.A spokesman for the Online Job-Seekers Bureau said he found the trend "understandable, but troubling".

New York, December 10, 2005 -- An apparently confused and disoriented President George W. Bush appeared unexpectedly at Manhattan's Nokia Theatre in Times Square today to accept the Downtown Athletic Club's prestigious Heisman Trophy, the highest honor awarded annually in college football.

The president's crashing of the ceremony severely disrupted proceedings and cast some doubt as to whether the award will in fact be awarded to its actual intended recipient, USC running back Reggie Bush, who has long been considered a favorite to clinch the trophy.