In Surprise About-Face, Bill Clinton Backs Obama

Chicago, February 5, 2008 -- Astounding political pundits from Anchorage to Miami, former president Bill Clinton has rescinded his endorsement of spouse Hillary Clinton in favor of rock star Senator Barack Obama.

The endorsement, which some believe may create friction in the suburban Chappaqua home of Bill and Hillary Clinton, was explained by the former president as "a case of conscience over comfort."

Laryngeal Bleep Implant Improves Political Discourse

Washington, D.C., November 9, 2015 -- The level of political discourse in America has improved by a whopping 43% since the Laryngeal Bleep Implant became a requirement for all politicians early last year, a new study shows.

Politician equipped with the discreet, effective Laryngeal Bleep ImplantPolitician equipped with the discreet, effective Laryngeal Bleep Implant

Special Report: The 84th Annual Academy Awards

Kodak Theatre, Hollywood, CA, March 5, 2014 -- Drum roll, please. Mere minutes ago, the fateful envelopes were shred. The stars were studded, the gala splendiferous, the suspense: deadly.

FCC Seeks to Bleep Meta-Profanity

Washington, D.C., November 12, 2008 -- The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) appears set to respond to pressure from an insistent and shrill phalanx of self-described consumer watchdog groups that have demanded that the well-known TV and radio "bleep" be censored under public airwave obscenity laws. According to the groups, the "bleep", by serving as a placeholder for profanity, itself constitutes profanity, or, as the groups describe it, "meta-profanity".

GOP Moves to Add Nine Months to Official Age of Americans

Washington, D.C., August 22, 2008 -- A powerful anti-abortion phalanx of the Republican congressional majority has launched an initiative toward redefining age based on the group's fundamental "life begins at conception" premise. The initiative, if passed, will have the effect of adding approximately nine months to the official age of every American.

Peter Jackson's King Kong II - Movie Review

Hollywood, CA December 12, 2006 -- From the opening scene in which King Kong breaks free from his underground cell in Area 51 to the closing scene when the 2008 Presidential election results are announced, Peter Jackson’s King Kong II: Mad Monkey Mayhem keeps the audience on the edge of their seats.

Chronic Armpit Rash Source of George W. Bush Swagger

Crawford, Texas, June 22, 2059 -- The signature swagger of the late US President George W. Bush (2001-2009) was the result of a persistent armpit rash, newly discovered archival material shows.

Underarm irritation source of late president George W. Bush's peculiar walking postureUnderarm irritation source of late president George W. Bush's peculiar walking posture

Michael Jackson Found Guilty on All Counts

Brentwood, CA, August 29, 2016 -- The troubled nuclear physicist and former pop idol Michael Jackson has been found guilty on all counts in what pundits have labeled "The Trial of This Week". Sentencing is expected to occur early next month. Most courtroom observers predict Jackson will receive up to one month of house-arrest at his six-room condominium in Brentwood, and a fine of up to $400 dollars payable in cash or check.

Mexican Peace Wall to Stem Rising Tide of U.S. Illegals

Mexico City, August 27, 2039 -- "Good fences make good neighbors," intoned Mexican President Jorge Monclova as he dug the first ceremonial spadeful of sand to mark the commencement of the construction of Mexico's new, massive border tightening effort, dubbed the Peace Wall. The immense barrier, a sixty-foot high structure that will stretch the entire 1,920 mile length of Mexico's border with the United States, is designed to curb a rising groundswell of illegal immigration from the country's less affluent northern neighbor.

Copyright © 2005-2505 AvantNews.com. All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.