Ron Paul for President Campaign Hires Top Internet Spammer

Washington, D.C., September 12, 2007 -- The Ron Paul for President campaign announced today it had hired Roy R. Schecter, a widely vilified international purveyor of spam email, to bolster its seemingly unstoppable grass-roots Internet campaign. A spokesman for Ron Paul said Schecter, 26, will take charge of coordinating the campaign's innovative Internet marketing efforts.

"Our supporters have being doing a great job carpet-bombing all the major social networking sites, such as Digg, Reddit, YouTube, Facebook, MySpace, and so on, with Ron Paul's message" Fido Willhauser, a Ron Paul for President campaign spokesman, said. "But not everybody on the Internet visits those sites. So we decided we needed to broaden our outreach, and what better medium for a shoestring campaign than mass unsolicited emails?"

Mr. Willhauser said Mr. Schecter, a reclusive semi-retired Internet marketing specialist based on the island of Gibraltar, will personally oversee the unsolicited email distribution of Dr. Paul's often controversial libertarian message to "about two billion Internet users worldwide, three times a week."

"In addition to the core messages of Dr. Paul's campaign, which include strong support for selective interpretation of the U.S. Constitution, the immediate deportation of all illegal aliens, more assault rifles for toddlers, zero taxes and the eventual dismantling of all branches of federal government," Mr. Willhauser said, "Mr. Schecter will be tasked with energizing 'Paul's Pushers'. These are a small but growing legion of volunteer supporters who see to it that every single news report or opinion piece having anything to do with Ron Paul – if it's supportive of the candidate, that is – makes it to the top of every single social networking site out there."

Mr. Willhauser said Paul's Pushers, together with the two billion planned recipients of Mr. Schecter's email missives, will be encouraged to "find every political poll out there on the Internet and vote Ron Paul into the stratosphere."

Paul's Pushers, Mr. Willhauser said, will have access to a secret database of proxy servers they may use to "spoof" their IP addresses, thus allowing them to vote in Internet polls as many times as they want.

"The more times they vote in any particular poll, the more times they will show how much they care about democracy," Mr. Willhauser said.

A senior campaign strategist on the Ron Paul campaign, who asked to remain unidentified given what some critics have called the fundamentally undemocratic nature of the campaign effort, said, "Electoral popularity and fundraising are mutually self-fulfilling prophecies. If we, through the efforts of Paul's Pushers and Mr. Schecter's spam, can make Ron Paul look like a viable candidate, then presto, he will be a viable candidate, despite the undeniable radicalism of many of his views. Seeing is believing, and if there's a more democratic concept than that, I'd sure like to hear it."

Mr. Schecter was unavailable for comment.

By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor

Copyright © 2005-2505 All rights reserved.
Avant News contains satire and other fictional material, provided for entertainment purposes only. Disclaimer. Syndicate. Privacy.