Genetic Engineers Create First Manga Baby
Boulder, March 22, 2014 -- Genetic engineers at the world-renowned Tweek-e-Gene Institute in Boulder, Colorado, announced today the successful production of the world's first live custom-designed human Manga-baby. The baby, a healthy boy weighing 2.3 lbs. and measuring a lanky 38 inches from head to toe, will be named Ichi the Killer.
Trend-spotters confidently predict Ichi will be the first boulder in a virtual landslide of specially-ordered designer Manga-babies.
"Manga-babies are a natural offshoot of the Identi-baby trend of the last few years," said Dr. Whit Pincers, leader of the medical team that oversaw the gestation and birth of the stylized urchin. "Back then, as you know, it was all the rage for unusually vain and self-absorbed mothers, fathers, or both to genetically modify their offspring's embryos in such a way that the result would be a virtually identical replica of the parent or parents – after the parents' plastic surgery, of course. But now parents are beginning to reach out beyond their own households and look for artistic and style trends in popular culture when designing their babies."
Manga-babies are designed to possess the distinctive features of the freakish creatures seen in Manga comics, the Japanese-originated graphic motif that gradually overtook virtually all other forms of popular culture in the early years of this century until book stores, DVD distributors and television stations were no longer able to economically justify carrying or broadcasting any non-Manga material. The trend was so alarming that it briefly eclipsed bird flu and carbohydrates as the top cause of consumer insomnia in 2009 before settling down to a resigned, if disgruntled, universal acceptance in the mind of the public.
"Manga-babies are designed to resemble genuine Manga characters in virtually every respect," said Dr. Pincers. "It took several years of experimentation, but at this point we are confident we can guarantee your baby will possess the pale complexion, saucer eyes, vestigial nose, pinhole mouth, anorexic body shape and general jutting angularity of feature that have graced Manga with such a widespread popular appeal."
According to Dr. Pincers, Manga-babies are expected to "be about as normal and healthy as a 'raw' baby, with perhaps a few minor side-effects that can generally be managed using innovative Manga-baby acclimatization technologies." ('Raw' babies, Dr. Pincers explained, are those babies that have not benefited from any artificial genetic enhancement.)
"There are a few modifications that require some adaptive equipment in order that the Manga-baby may survive in the wild, as it were," Dr. Pincers said. "Because of the enormous size of the Manga-baby's eyes, protective sunglasses will need to be worn at all times, indoors and outdoors, day or night. A car headlight, for example, could easily blind Ichi if he were not wearing his glasses."
Due to the tiny size of their mouths, Manga-babies will also be forced to eat primarily liquefied foods absorbed through a thin straw.
"Children pretty much do that anyway," said Dr. Pincers, "so I don't see that as any limitation."
Dr. Pincers said the Tweek-e-Gene Institute has partnered with Paris Hilton's BLOW clothing line to create a custom-designed collection of extra-long, extra-lanky Manga-baby toddler outfits.
"Nothing can be too good for discriminating parents who demand a unique, highly specific special look for their most cherished possession, their children," said Dr. Pincers.
By Ion Zwitter, Avant News Editor
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